I left my heart at preschool

Welcome 2012!

2012-01-02T18:33:00.001-08:00

Here's to a fresh new year, full of wonderful adventures, love and laughter.

all a girl needs

2010-07-15T20:46:00.000-07:00

Seesa recently created these essential items for herself... a cell phone, a computer and a set of lipsticks. Yep. She's got it down. This is good advice for BlogHer actually. Maybe that's all I really need to pack!

Night Owl

2010-04-27T23:27:00.000-07:00

I love the night.

Tonight, I've been to an evening yoga class, had an hour long phone conversation in my car with my best friend while watching the boats gently bobbing in their dark ocean dock, came home, caught up on emails, did the dishes, made lunches for tomorrow and showered. Sounds like time for bed, right? Not yet...I'm still relishing in the quiet of the night.

I made myself a cup of hot cocoa and sat down to write this post. Out the windows, the calm blackness of night surrounds me. The only light in the room is the dim glow of one side table lamp and my computer screen. There are no sounds, except for a snoring dog and the hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen. The night feels soft and comforting. I think more clearly at night, without the distractions and expectations that the daytime brings.

Last night, Seesa woke up with stomach pains. I was still awake, watching TV and working on my laptop. I gave her something to calm her stomach and had her sit with me awhile. I wanted to be sure there wasn't something more serious going on, but I also wanted to share the middle of the night with her. It reminded me of when I was a child, and I would wake up feeling sick. I'd crawl into bed in the middle of my Mom and Dad and listen to the late night television program they were watching, and eavesdrop on their conversation while I pretended to fall back asleep. At this time in my life when I'm examining a lot of the dysfunction of my childhood, it's nice to remember a time like that with fondness.

Going on a bear hunt

2010-04-17T20:36:00.000-07:00

Going on a bear hunt, gonna catch a big one. Oh no! A forest. A big, dark forest. Can't go over it. Can't go under it. Can't go around it. Have to go through it.

I've been thinking about the lines from this book. I read it to my kids occasionally, and they love it. It's one of those books that they can read along with. I remember hearing it when I was a kid and even chanting it around a fire pit at summer camp when I was young. I never truly appreciated the words until now.

After I lost my job, one of the things I was so excited about was having more time to blog. It hasn't really worked out that way. For a number of reasons, this has turned out to be a time of some major challenges in my life. Dealing with the end of my sixteen year career at my old firm and searching for what is next for me has been much more difficult than I had anticipated. Having my husband lose his job recently has obviously put another spin on our already spinning lives. There have been some issues with my Mom, who is getting older. Issues that have put a strain on my relationship with my sister. My oldest daughter's first year in Kindergarten, while fantastic, has been a huge change for all of us. She's been exhibiting some behaviors at school, and I've been struggling to determine what's normal and what's a sign of some bigger problem. My marriage..... Well, let's just say that it's been more than just a tough spot. I will write more about these things, just not always here.

There have been times in my life when I've not chosen the best coping mechanisms. Hell, sometimes I've chosen downright destructive ways of dealing - or rather, not dealing with my problems. This is one of those times. I can see myself going down a path...trying to work my way over, trying to sneak under, trying to find a path around this big dark forest. But I'm realizing that I can't.

For me, and for my kids...I am going to have to go through it.

So I'm going on a bear hunt. I'm going to catch a big one. What a beautiful day! I'm not scared. Only...I am.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-14T08:17:00.000-07:00

Why is it that I slather my children in 50+ sunblock before I expose their pale winter skin to the first warm rays of sunshine of the season...

...but I forget to put a drop of it on myself?

Happy Birthday Baby

2010-04-03T20:33:00.000-07:00

My baby girl turned FOUR this weekend. Does this mean that she's officially no longer my baby? At least she's still in Preschool for awhile longer...I've got some time before I need to come up with a new name for my blog. Why is it that I never considered that my children wouldn't always be in Preschool? Maybe because, in my eyes, they will always be my babies.

Milly, my favorite memory from your babyhood is how absolutely excited I would be to wake up in the middle of the night to nurse you. It was our little quiet time together, just you and me, and you'd always fall right back to sleep in my arms. I love that you adore babies and to play the Mommy. I love that you still smile when I call you silly names like "pie pie", "cookie pants", "scooter buns", "cracker jack"...yes, your Mommy is a little bit crazy. For YOU that is! (Ok, yes, your Mommy is also a really big geek. But I'm ok with it.) I love that your favorite stuffed animal is Stitch, because "he's not a doggie, he's a aylien doggie". I love that your favorite food is artichokes. I love that your favorite color is "poople". I love how you frequently and randomly tell us that you love us. I love that you'll try almost anything at least once. I love how you'll play along with all of your big sister's games. I love that you speak your mind. All the time. (ok, I don't always love that one...)

I love that you ran around at your birthday party saying "I'm four! I'm four! I can't beyeeve I'm four!". Me either baby. Me either.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-31T19:58:00.000-07:00

Always securely tie up your horse before getting in the bath.

And don't forget to let the dogs out.

You live, you learn

2010-03-30T22:17:00.000-07:00

You live, you learn
You love, you learn
You cry, you learn
You lose, you learn
You bleed, you learn
You scream, you learn

You don't properly save a document you've spent 4 hours working on and lose the entire thing, you learn

You grieve, you learn
You choke, you learn
You laugh, you learn
You choose, you learn
You pray, you learn
You ask, you learn
You live, you learn

Thank you for this wisdom Alanis, but I'm guessing you can't help me with document recovery.

Toothbrushing Scare Tactics

2010-03-25T22:05:00.000-07:00

A local dentist visited Milly's Preschool class today, to talk to them about good oral hygiene, and send them each home with a new toothbrush. When I asked her about it, she gave the following account:

"Mommy, did you know dat when you eat sugary snacks, dat sugar bugs get in your teef? An we haf to brush our teef because if we don't, den da sugar bugs make a hole in your neck and you can die?"

No sweetheart, I did not know that. Is this the lengths dentists are going these days to get kids to brush their teeth? Or, is my daughter just a little too much like her Dad...?

Why I should probably drink more, reason # 4

2010-03-23T21:41:00.000-07:00

The girls were playing outside with chalk, making "fairy dust". Seesa decided to cover the dog in her fairy dust. Awesome. I took a wet towel and cleaned him up. Afterwards, my husband asked if I had given the dog a bath. Ten minutes before dinner was ready? Um, no. No, I did not bathe the dog. I wiped the chalk off the dog sufficiently.

My husband insisted that I should have washed the dog because what if the chalk gets on his skin and he has some kind of reaction to it and his pores get clogged from it and it gets into his system and he gets a kidney infection and dies.

You'd like to think I'm kidding right now, wouldn't you? I am not even exaggerating. I may have even left out a couple of the disastrous things that might happen to the dog, because I didn't really pay attention to most of it. It's a survival tactic I've developed over time.

My husband...the King of Overreaction, and my inspiration for the 4th reason that I should probably drink more.

The winter of our unemployment

2010-03-19T22:00:00.000-07:00

I've learned that losing one's job, like many other changes in life, involves a grieving period. Grief has many stages... denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. My husband and I have been firmly entrenched in the denial phase of the loss of our jobs, and so have been escaping up to Lake Tahoe every chance we get in an effort to avoid the depression phase. Everyone has their different ways of dealing with grief. This is ours.

Denial is an essential part of the healing process. I prefer to think of it as seeing the silver lining in any situation. In this particular situation, the silver lining being both of us having the time off to head up to the snow as much as possible this winter. Avoiding the depressing processes of looking for a job is just an added benefit! I may even write a book after all of this. "The benefits of denial; A Users Guide" Or something like that. Got any clever title ideas? If I can get it published before BlogHer, they may even let me do a panel discussion on the subject! See? Yet another thing I can focus on rather than the depressing process of looking for a job. Did I mention that the job searching part of being out of work is sort of a downer? Great. Let's move on to the UP side of being out of work...!

Here's a little sampling of the fun we've been having in the snow.

My husband is an avid skier, so he is thrilled that both of our girls are taking to the slopes. Seesa is now skiing the intermediate runs with her Dad, and Milly is on her way to being able to handle the big hills too. I didn't learn to ski until I was older. I'm happy that my kids are learning while they are little and I hope it's a hobby they continue to enjoy as they grow. As for me, I'm content to help carry every one's gear and then hang out drinking my chai tea latte and admiring the spectacular views.

This past weekend is probably one of our last trips to the snow this winter - and I'm hoping that we move right on to the acceptance stage upon our return to reality, and find some freaking jobs so we can get a ski lease next year!!!

Happy St Patty's Day

2010-03-17T19:48:00.000-07:00

Once again I am reminded...it's the little things,

like a green bath on St Patty's Day,

that bring joy to our lives.

When they say that looking for a job IS a full time job...

2010-03-03T18:50:00.000-08:00

...they are not kidding.

That is all.

Happy Birthday to Daddy

2010-03-01T23:32:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Daddy!

We all hope you enjoyed our new tradition of spending your birthday in your favorite place in the world...the snow. We love you very much!

Lion

2010-02-22T23:17:00.000-08:00

This post is dedicated to my friend, Renee. We met in person this past summer at BlogHer, although we already "knew" each other through our blogs. She is one of the amazing women that I had the opportunity to get to know more during those few wonderful days in Chicago last summer.

Another one of those amazing women is Issa. Issa recently put together an Internet baby shower for Renee, who is awaiting the arrival of her son, Lion. Lion is not inside of her belly, waiting to come out. Lion is not in the NICU, waiting to be strong enough to come home. Lion is not even in the same time zone as his waiting mother. Lion is 7,000 miles away. He and Renee are both waiting for another land to tell them it's time for them to finally be together.

But there is another place that Lion resides, and has before he was even born... in the heart of Renee.

Stay brave Renee, your wait will soon be over.

Best performance EVER

2010-02-07T22:17:00.000-08:00

If you missed Pink's performance at the Grammys, you must check it out here.

"Glitter" is one of my favorite Pink songs, but you don't have to be a fan to appreciate this amazing performance. Hope you enjoy it!

What's that? The Grammys was like forever ago, and I'm supposed to be blogging about Superbowl commercials now you say? Eh. I don't think people are coming here to keep up on current events. So there.

Leading with my heart

2010-02-03T23:07:00.001-08:00

In my effort to do a little self healing, I've been doing some intense yoga sessions the past few days. I've only been practicing yoga the past six months or so, but I swear it's what got me through that last few tough months at work.

Aside from the obvious physical benefits, I've gotten so much out of yoga spiritually. One theme that seems to run through a lot of my classes as we're going through different poses, is the idea of leading with your heart, instead of your head. Leading with your heart opens up your body and your mind.

In tonight's class, I was working on getting into a full wheel back bend pose for the first time. I was following the direction of the instructor, but I could not even get on top of my head, much less push my arms up into the bend. I really didn't believe I could do this pose. I just wasn't ready, it was too soon for me. But in tonight's small private session, the instructor kept working with us and having us try again and again. Each time, tweaking just a little, and getting just a little further into the pose. Then she assisted each of us, holding and lifting us up, so we could feel what it was like to be there. And again, she had us try on our own. Until finally, I actually got my head off the ground and lifted myself into the pose.

Leading with my heart, in that moment, I knew that yes - everything will be alright.

Have I cried yet? No. But it will come. In it's time, and most likely it will take me by surprise. And again, with a few adjustments and some assistance from friends, I'll know that everything will be alright.

If the darkest hour comes before the light,

2010-02-02T22:36:00.000-08:00

where is the light?

Driving into the city for my first appointment with my career counselor today, I felt like I was driving to my own funeral. Not because I'm afraid that I won't get a job. Because I'm afraid that I will. I no longer have the gift of time that was bestowed upon me when I was laid off. Time to rest. Time to organize. Time with my kids. Time to discover what I want to do, and time to find the job that best fits my life.

I was eleven when my Father died. I didn't cry at his funeral. I remember feeling like I needed to hold up everyone else around me who was falling apart. I remember feeling like I needed to take care of my Mom and my sister now. I remember feeling very rational about the whole thing. I remember the pastor asking me if I knew where my Father was, and thinking to myself "What are you, crazy? He's right over there in that coffin.", although I don't remember using those exact words. I also don't remember feeling the need to cry.

I have a very hard time letting myself be completely vulnerable. Even when I lean on friends, I always feel like I need to be sure that they know I am ok. Even though I've never felt burdened by being there for someone, I never want to be a burden to anyone. I've always felt that simply who I am, may be overwhelming to most people. I am the type of person who will tell you my life story within five minutes of meeting you, but I hold part of myself inside. I could count on one hand, the number of people in my lifetime that have seen that part of me.

Just for a moment, I want to not be strong. I want to not ensure everyone else around me is ok. Just for a moment, I want to be held. I need to cry.

Storm, by Lifehouse

how long have I
been in this storm
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head

if I could just see you
everything will be alright
if I'd see you
the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and everything will be alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
so why am I 10 feet under and upside down
barely surviving has become my purpose
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

if I could just see you
everything will be alright
if I see you
the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright

and I will walk on water
you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
I know everything is alright
everything's alright

Happy Birthday to my sister

2010-01-29T09:13:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday little sis!!!

The bird lives

2010-01-21T22:25:00.000-08:00

It's been almost two weeks now, and no dead bird smell in my car. That little tiny bird somehow found it's way out.

As for me... the transition from full time working Mom to full time stay at home Mom has not been easy, but it's been one of the happiest times of my life. I had all these grand plans - lists of projects, many friends to visit and numerous draft blog posts to complete now that I had all this time since I wasn't working. Go ahead fellow SAHM's...laugh it up.

My life has been filled with transporting kids, helping in the classroom, after-school activities, helping with homework, cleaning the house, cooking, yoga (yes, I did manage to find some time for myself!) and volunteering. My life was exhausting before I was laid off, but these days I'm usually so physically exhausted by the end of the day, I literally collapse into bed. Still, I've been loving every minute of it.

I've slowly been thinking about what I want to do next, how long we can hold out before I look for another job and whether we can get by with me working part time instead of full time. We've even been seriously considering my husband pursuing an assignment at his company that would involve all of us moving to Spain for a couple of years!

And then...our life changed again. My husband's company went through a reorganization, and he was laid off. Unlike my lay-off, that I saw coming a mile away, his was completely unexpected for us.

In a matter of three months, we went from being a two income family, to a no income family. This is not exactly how I envisioned 2010 playing out for us.

After my husband told me, he said "It's ok, you can cry now". But I didn't. Maybe partly because I was still in shock. Maybe partly because I immediately went into survival mode - thinking about and planning how we are going to get through this. Maybe partly because I started thinking about that bird.

I was 99.9% sure that there was no possible way that bird got out and I was certain that it had died somewhere in my car. But it didn't. It found a way out.

Now I think I know what 2010 is about. It's about hope. It's about remembering that even when it seems like there is no way out, there is. You just have to look hard enough. And believe you will find it.

This post is dedicated to Issa.

There may or may not be a dead bird in my car

2010-01-11T21:54:00.000-08:00

When I come home with the kids, I usually need to make more than one trip to unload everything. The other day, I left my car door open in between trips to unload. When I came out, I discovered a little bird had flown into my car. Instead of opening more doors and letting the poor thing out of my car, I immediately locked him in and ran to get the kids so they could see it.

That's your first instinct, right? Not free the little flying animal inside my car before it poops all over my seats. No. Trap it inside for awhile longer. Because that's a good idea.

When we came back out to the car...no bird. Anywhere in the car. And I mean anywhere. I got out a flashlight, and searched. And searched. And searched. WTF happened to that bird?

I'm 99% sure it did not fly out before I shut the door. I'm just as sure it didn't fly out when we opened the door. Either it found some other way out of my car, or it flew up into the dashboard or something, and died.

How long does it take for a dead bird to start smelling...?

Resolved

2010-01-01T21:32:00.000-08:00

soak in every moment

write more

live simply this is my favorite because it works backwards too... simply live. 'nuff said.

Santa came early this year... AKA, we caved

2009-12-21T20:32:00.000-08:00

Seesa has wanted a dog since... well, pretty much from the time she even knew what a dog was. Every time we see someone with a dog, both of my girls immediately have to go over and say hi and love on the dog. They both always tells the dog owner, "we're going to get a dog someday". Someday being the key word. Of course to them, someday is in a few days. To us, someday is in a few years.

When I lost my job last month, a colleague of mine made an offhanded comment at a dinner we were at together. She told me to "resist the urge to get a dog". Which gave me an idea... now that I'm a stay-at-home Mom for a bit, maybe it is a good time to get a dog.

Meet Checkers.

He's a two year old Border Collie / Australian Shepard mix and a total sweetheart. We rescued him, I mean Santa brought him down from the North Pole this past weekend.

The girls are over the moon...

A tall order

2009-12-18T23:30:00.000-08:00

On their Christmas lists this year...

Seesa wants a dog movie, the game of Sorry, dog carrier and books (preferably dog related) - notice a theme...? Not sure how much longer we can hold out without getting an actual dog. At the end of her letter to Santa, she wrote "please bring everything and a surprise". In the most loving way.

Milly wants snow, Santa, a clown and a town. Oh. Is that all? I have to say I'm glad she's already aiming high in life. Keep it up girl, keep it up!

Bloggy Holiday Card Exchange

2009-12-15T22:51:00.000-08:00

Happy 2nd Annual Bloggy Holiday Card Exchange my friends in the blogosphere!

We took this picture at Disneyland, and I knew immediately that I had my Christmas card for this year! It poured all that day - notice how wet their pants are - but they were SO happy to meet Mickey for the first time. It was priceless.

Happy Holidays to you all! To see more bloggy holiday cards, click here.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-09T00:08:00.000-08:00

Disneyland...the rainiest place on earth.

(We had fun anyway! Details to come...)

Preschool PTA meeting - somebody shoot me now

2009-12-01T21:24:00.000-08:00

I was nominated by the teachers to be the room parent this year for Milly's preschool class. Admittedly, I was flattered. Until I realized that I've fallen for this trick before. When I was young, my Mom used tell me how great I was at setting the table.

So I thought, how hard can it be? It's Preschool for God's sake. One of the responsibilities of being a room parent is attending the monthly PTA meetings. Once a month, for an hour. Again, how bad can it be?

Let me give you a run down of tonight's meeting...

The thing is supposed to start at 6:30pm. Ten minutes to seven, we're just getting started on the agenda. The agenda? Looked good on paper. There were topics. They appeared to be listed in order of importance. So far, so good. The Mom in charge of the meeting possibly used to be, or deeply longs to be, a project manager. Except for the fact that she clearly never learned rule # 1 of running a meeting - be sure your audience is still awake at the end of your explanation of every topic up for discussion. She also seemed oblivious to rule # 2 - follow the topics IN THE ORDER that they appear on the agenda.

The first topic starts a debate about the best way to collect money for the teacher's wish list for new items for the classrooms. One set of room Moms wants to (and apparently has a bunch of time to) keep track of the list of needed items like a wedding registry - including links to where to get each item, and allow parents multiple options including buying an item themselves, donating money for a specific item or donating money to a general fund. Great for them. Another set of room Moms want to send out a request for money and leave it at that. Even better for them. The wannabearealprojectmanager Mom wants to have the same process for all the classrooms, and insists that we all agree on one method of donation collection. The topic goes on for a good 25 minutes.

Next randomly decided on topic, fundraiser nights at local restaurants, which leads into another chunk of wasted time discussing which is the best sushi place in town, and whether they are both authentic and organic.

The next topic spurs a half hour discussion on whether or not we should ask some parents to come take pictures of the kids twice a month, store and organize said pictures, and then create yearbooks for parents to buy at the end of the year. After detailed banter on how this could actually be accomplished...I asked if anyone of the parents in attendance at this meeting would buy these yearbooks themselves. Pretty much everyone said no. There's another 30 minutes of my life I will never get back.

Finally, we've arrived at one of the more important topics, the upcoming holiday pageant - held at the church next to the preschool. A big decision needs to be made...should we have the youngest preschoolers ready at the front of the church before people arrive, or should we have them walk down the isle because that is cuter. When it come to 2 year old toddlers, who chooses cute over avoidance of screaming and tears? Tell me. Who? Then there's another big debate over whether or not to have dessert at the school after the pageant. Part of the group says yes, and part of the group doesn't want to give their kids sugar in the evening. I have an idea! If you don't want your kid to have sugar - don't attend the dessert after the pageant! Really, does it need to be this difficult?

We are now two hours into this one hour meeting, and we have one more topic left. The room parents need to send out an email soliciting money for the teacher's holiday gifts. One of the Moms in attendance happens to be an elementary school teacher, and she assures us that the teachers will be more than happy with good old cash. But we can't just leave it at that...oh no. One of the Moms thinks we should get cute change purses to present the cash in. I can tell that I'm not the only parent losing my mind at this point, because another Mom suggests that we just get a cute envelope for the cash instead.

It's now quarter to nine, and everyone starts packing up their stuff as soon as they hear the words, "so, are there any other items anyone wants to discuss?". One parent asks when we need to send out this email solicitation. The answer is by the end of this week. Yes, that's right. The most important, most urgent agenda item to be discussed was covered in overtime, and we weren't even able to come up with the wording that everyone should use - because, yes, there is specific wording that we are supposed to use. Apparently.

If you've made it the end of this blog post without nodding off on your laptop, can you please attend next month's meeting for me?

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-29T21:29:00.000-08:00

My sister took this picture at my house on Thanksgiving

(...and I stole it from her - it's beautiful, isn't it?)

Things I'm most thankful for this Thanksgiving:

The kid's table, filled with... my daughters, nieces and nephew, handmade place cards courtesy of my sister's kids, THE BEST Thanksgiving spread my sister and I have ever made (ok, the guys did fry the turkey, but come on - that takes like an hour total), and another year of warm and wonderful memories together as a family.

The long weekend visiting friends, like Jessica from Bernthis, and her adorable daughter Phoebe - who my girls are still talking about practically every hour. Not to mention that Kirsten and I are still exhausted from laughing through our entire visit with Jessica.

The fact that I don't have to go to work on Monday. Or the day after that, or the day after that, or the day after that... and at least for December, the only thing I have to think about is what to pack for Disneyland!

And lastly, I'm thankful for finally having some down time to read some of my favorite blogs and write a post on my own blog! If you are looking for a good laugh, check out this post my good friend Lish wrote recently.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving too!

words to live by

2009-11-17T17:33:00.000-08:00

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?

-Lisa Claymen

Wordless Wednesday

2009-11-11T01:22:00.000-08:00

Found on Seesa's bedroom door...

I don't know, do you think she's trying to tell us something?

I just got laid off... So, what am I going to do now?

2009-11-09T20:19:00.000-08:00

I'm going to DISNEYLAND!!!

(Literally. I'm not kidding.)

The tortuous wait is finally over. I found out today that I am getting laid off from my job at the end of the year. I was prepared for it, but it's bittersweet. After sixteen years at the same firm, it's really surreal to be moving on. I'm lucky to have gotten a severance that will give me some cushion time to find a new job.

In the meantime, I'm looking forward to going to Disneyland in December. Our kids have never been before, so we're really excited. I'm also looking forward to being a stay-at-home Mom for a while, enjoying the holidays with my family, finishing a list of projects around the house (just the list - I may not get to any of the actual projects - haha), writing and generally savoring some time off before I delve into my next adventure in working motherhood...

I'll tell Mickey you said hello!

Reasons Halloween is my favorite time of the year

2009-11-04T21:13:00.000-08:00

I've always loved Halloween. Seriously, what's not to love? Dress up as whatever you want and get a lot of candy. Find something wrong with that, I dare you.

There's the pumpkin carving.

(Yes, we rock at pumpkin carving.)

Roasting pumpkin seeds.

(Yum!)

Trick-or-Treating.

(examining the loot)

Coloring just about anything orange.

(rice crispy treats)

...and this little girl.

The BEST Halloween treat I've ever gotten in my life, is when Seesa was born 6 years ago on October 31st. I fell in love with her from the moment I touched her cheek right after she was born, and life has never been the same. I love that she always wants to be something "spooky" for Halloween, like a witch or black cat. I love that she adores animals - will watch any movie with animals in it, likes to pretend she is a dog (even though we find ourselves frequently telling her to quit barking) and I can't take her to the pet store for rabbit food without having to endure begging for whatever animals she finds there. I love that she took to Kindergarten like she'd waited for it all her life. I love that she takes care of her little sister. I love how she crawls in bed with me in the mornings and cuddles. I love her creativity and sense of humor. I love how her eyes smile. I love her love of life. And I love how she shows me, every day, a new reason be grateful for the blessing of her - my beautiful daughter.

Disconnected

2009-10-27T22:15:00.000-07:00

Anyone notice I've been a bit absent from the blogosphere as of late? Have I not been inspired to write? Did I decide to take a little break? Am I just plain crazy busy? Maybe a combination of all of those things...I don't really know.

I don't like it when bloggers who don't write on their blogs for a while, post about how they feel bad about not writing. It's your blog, and I think you should write whenever you want to. I always go back to read bloggers that I enjoy, no matter how frequently or infrequently they write. So, why am I writing a post about not writing posts? Because I realized tonight, as I was reading some of my favorite blogs for the first time in a while, that I feel disconnected. Not just within the blogging community, but in life in general.

For the past several months, I've been waiting to find out what will happen to my job, after my firm is officially taken over by another company on December 1st. The firm that I've worked at for the past 16 years - more years than I've been married. There were plenty of distractions over the summer... trips to the Zoo, to the beach, vacations at the lake, family get-togethers, fun events like BlogHer and birthday celebrations in Vegas. And all the while at work, there's been an undercurrent of waiting. Lots of projects to work on, but all with the uncertain future of the new firm, and ambiguity of how everything will change by the end of the year.

Every decision at work and at home has hinged on the big question that is waiting to be answered...will I have a job?

It's been like a freaking tortuous roller coaster that you have no choice but to just hang on and pray for the duration of the ride. At one point, I started to get really annoyed at well-meaning friends who would ask if I knew anything yet about my job, and when would I know, and do I have any sense of which way it might go, and am I going to start looking around in the meantime, and have I updated my resume, and.....until finally, I just didn't want to talk about it anymore to anyone but a very few people. I started telling my Mom that my job is just GREAT every time she asks, so she'll stop obsessively worrying about it.

I think somewhere along the way, I disconnected myself. From some of my friends. From my attachment to my career. From blogging. From my own family to some extent.

A couple weeks ago, my husband told me that he thinks we're depressed. We're depressed. I guess that's his nice way of saying that he thinks I'm depressed, without making me feel all alone about it. I told him he was crazy, and I was not depressed. Since then, I've proceeded to cry just about every other day. Hmm, maybe he has a point. I think it's all just overwhelming. Especially in the past month, I haven't been able to enjoy the things that normally give me great pleasure. Like Fall and Halloween - my absolute favorite time of the year. And like writing - the thing that gives my mind clarity and helps me feel connected to myself and to others.

I've actually been holding it together at work quite impressively, I think. I've been very zen about the whole thing. Whatever happens, happens. I can't control it, so why get upset about it. Everything happens for a reason. It will all work out. Change equals opportunity. And the thing is, I believe all of that. I really do. So, why am I so disconnected?

Crazy. It's the new Normal.

2009-10-08T21:19:00.000-07:00

Every time a friend asks me how I'm doing lately, I find that my answer is "Crazy". There's just no other way to describe my life lately, and I seem to be settling into crazy as the norm these days.

A few years before I had kids, I went skydiving for the first time. It's something I had always wanted to do, but I made a point to do it before I had kids. You know. In case I died. So I didn't leave my kids without a Mom because I wanted to experience the thrill of jumping out of a perfectly good airplane.

Which brings me to the not so perfectly good airplane. I wanted to go skydiving on the coast. If I was going to die, I wanted to go down while enjoying a beautiful view of the ocean. After signing my life away and prepping for my tandem skydive, I waited in the hanger with my husband and his best friend Scott, who is a pilot. When the plane arrived, Scott comforted me by telling me that I was probably safer jumping out of that particular plane, than I would be staying in it for the landing. So I had that going for me. Which was nice.

While I was skydiving along the gorgeous Pacific Ocean, which by the way was the most exhilarating thing I have ever done in my life and I'd do it again in a heartbeat, my husband and Scott were waiting for the van to take them over to meet me at the landing spot. Apparently, it was a fire drill for them when the time came to scramble into the old van and race down the dirt road to get to the spot before I landed. Along the way, the guys heard a huge BOOM that they literally thought was me landing on the roof of the van. They sat in silence for a moment. Then the driver simply said, "Normal", and the ride went on with no questions asked.

So, whenever I think things can't get any crazier in my life, and then they do, I think of this little story. Because the crazy is just plain normal. And the ride keeps on going. No questions asked.

To a special 40 year old

2009-09-28T21:10:00.000-07:00

Renee,

My first impression of you, after reading your blog, was that you were an introspective woman and a dedicated Mom. After winning your "Pay It Forward" post, I realized how incredibly creative you are when I received my package that included beautiful earrings, handmade by you! I remember reading your pre-BlogHer posts, about how hesitant you were to be thrown into a situation that involved meeting a bunch of new people, and I expected you to be shy and quiet in person. Girlfriend, I was wrong. You are one brave woman, who did not let any introverted tendencies keep you from putting yourself out there and being a friend to people like me - and I'm so happy that you did! I had such a great time getting to know you better in person at BlogHer this summer. It made me wish that we lived closer to each other, because I think you are a treasure to have as a friend.

Christy, me, Renee and Kirsten enjoying lunch in Chicago

Renee, me, Stacey and Issa in the lobby at BlogHer

So, on the occasion of your 40th birthday, I wanted to take the opportunity that the wonderful Issa put together for all of us - your bloggy friends - to tell you how very special you are, and to wish you a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Welcome to the 40's!

At the age of 20, we don't care what the world thinks of us;
at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us;
at 40, we discover that it wasn't thinking of us at all.
- Anonymous

Personally, I think 40 is the age that you truly come into yourself and focus on what really matters to you - whatever that is.

Love and Friendship,
Kari

Literally

2009-09-26T21:09:00.000-07:00

Milly cracks me up. I have to document some of this stuff for prosperity.

Milly to Daddy: "I'm not going to jump on you, I'm going to land on you."
(said after Daddy asked her to please not jump on him - I see law school tuition in our future...)

Milly to Seesa: "If you don't move your legs, I'm going to break them."

Milly to Mommy after we pull into the driveway of our house: "Mommy, don't say okey dokey."
(it then occurred to me that I actually do say, "okey dokey" every time we pull up to the house and are about to get out of the car...what is up with that?)

Milly to Mommy: "Mommy, let the man sing the song."
(said just about anytime I sing along to the radio, which is every time the radio is on)

Three years old... the teenage years should be fun.

Because she says it better than I can

2009-09-24T21:49:00.000-07:00

Crystal Ball, by Pink

Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this
I just need a compass and a willing accomplice
All my doubts that fill my head, cascading up and down again
Up and down and 'round again, down and up and 'round again

Oh, I've had my chances and I've taken them all
Just to end up right back here on the floor
To end up right back here on the floor

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel
Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell
But I'm not scared at all
Of the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball

Sometimes you think everything is wrapped inside a diamond ring
Love just needs a witness and a little forgiveness
And a halo of patience and a less sporadic pace
And I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes

Oh, I've felt that fire and I, I've been burned
But I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned
I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel
Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell
But I'm not scared at all
Of the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball

Irony, irony, is hating love, hating love
For what it does to me, what it's done to me, what is done

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel
Broken mirrors and a black cat's cold stare
Walk under ladders on my way to hell, I'll meet you there

But I'm not scared at all, I'm not scared at all
Of the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball

My conversation with Las Vegas

2009-09-21T22:00:00.000-07:00

I spent the weekend in Las Vegas recently, to celebrate one of my girlfriend's 40th birthday. I thought I'd share a transcript of my conversation with Las Vegas...

4:00pm Friday, arriving in Las Vegas

ME: "Oh, Vegas. You don't scare me. You're just a little town in the middle of the desert. How tough can you be? You think you're such hot shit, but I know better. I can handle you."

VEGAS: "Just you wait little girl. Just you wait..."

2:30am Sunday morning, as I'm laying down to sleep FOR THE FIRST TIME all weekend

VEGAS: "You thought you could take me, huh? HA! How you like me now???"

ME, waving the white flag: "Ok, I give up. You win."

On my way out of town, I bought t-shirts for my girls.

...because they didn't have any that said "Vegas Kicked My Mom's Ass"...

As strange as it may sound after reading the above, that weekend was exactly what I needed. I've felt like I'm swimming under water lately in my life, and Vegas was like coming up for air. No schedules, no responsibilities, no worries. Just me. And my girlfriends. And the fun nightlife. And the warm air. And the cool pool water. And that's about all I can say, because as I'm sure you know...what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Lish, Lisa (the birthday girl) and me

Ready to hit the town - Lish, Mandy, Jeanette, Lisa, Turia, Monica and me

Let's Talk Period

2009-09-01T21:09:00.000-07:00

As someone whose life has been personally effected by cancer, I was excited to learn about an opportunity to make a difference for the 22,000 women who will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer this year.

First, have a laugh and watch a hysterical video from “Aunt Flo”. Then check out letstalkperiod.com and sign up (it only takes a minute and three clicks!).

Seventh Generation will make a donation on your behalf to the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund.

Lastly, for imaginary extra points, guess who plays "Aunt Flo"...?

I left my heart at Kindergarten

2009-08-29T22:09:00.000-07:00

One of my Preschoolers became a KINDERGARTENer this week!

Seesa is in the same classroom as two of her best girlfriends! How freaking cute would it be if these three stay friends for a long time, and can look back on this picture of their first day of Kindergarten together? Maybe post it on their blogs? Unless blogging is totally uncool at that point, you know, because Mom does it.

The school has a new Principal, and he's awesome. He starts each day with all the classes congregating on the playground for the Pledge of Allegiance, some stretches and some motivation. Check out this crowd on the first day!

Seesa's teacher gave them all teddy bears for the first day, but they couldn't take them home yet. I asked her at the end of the week, if they could take them home yet. Seesa said "No. We can't take them home until everyone stops crying." Ha! How funny is that? I guess there's still one holdout...

There were no tears from Seesa though. She was over the moon to be starting Kindergarten, and loved her teacher so much that she insisted on buying her a book. We chose one about California, and Seesa was very specific about what she wanted for the inscription. I wrote it out, and she copied it into the book. It says "I love your class. And I love you. Go Eagles." The school mascot is an Eagle, and the girl is ready to FLY!!! My wish for her is that she will be this excited about school for many, many years to come.

Here is Milly (and "Camper Baby") on her first day of the 2009 Preschool Year. At least I've got a couple more years before I have to come up with a new name for my blog...

I've got a bad case of PVDS

2009-08-24T20:05:00.000-07:00

I hate that I've had no inspiration to write lately, and little energy to even open my laptop in the evenings for some good blog reading.

After reading a recent post on Motherhood in NYC, I've self diagnosed that I have PVDS - Post Vacation Depression Syndrome. Here I am, back from a fabulous lake vacation with my family, and I'm feeling inexplicably down. Thanks to Marinka, instead of walking around wondering what the hell my problem is, I can finally attribute it to a ~~fake~~ real illness.

Here are some other things I'm hating on lately...

I hate that it didn't feel like a real summer because the weather was so wacky and unseasonably cool.

I hate that we're in this hazy zone in between spontaneous summer fun and the scheduled predictability of the school year.

I hate that my husband just told me he thinks Seesa needs a new lunchbox, and I've got exactly one day to get her a new one before she starts her first day of Kindergarten, or just go with the old - apparently sub par - one.

I hate that it seems like I'm the last one in the office in the mornings and the first one out at night, and it makes me feel guilty every.single.day. In the words of MommyGeekology, being a working Mother sucks donkey balls.

I hate that even though I get out of the office as soon as humanely possible, and drive home as fast as the law will allow, I still find myself rushing to get dinner ready as soon as I walk in the door while listening to my girls cry about being s t a r v i n g.

I hate that I just found out that the city is about to start work on a span of roadway from the bridge I travel across into the city that I work in that will be completed sometime in late 2012, that is going to make my commute EVEN LONGER while the work is going on with all the detours.

I hate that it takes an act of God to do any activity in the evenings during the weekdays. Classes for my kids, dinner with family or friends, or just going to the park takes major coordination and even then, is not uncommonly derailed by work emergencies or traffic.

I hate that we missed half of the pre-Kindergarten playdates this summer, because some were scheduled during the day, during the week - making it impossible for families with two full time working parents to attend.

I hate that there are so few families with two working parents in our neighborhood... and in Marin... and in the Bay Area... and sometimes it feels like everywhere!

I hate that I sometimes get jealous of my Mom friends who have a choice about whether or not to work outside the home.

I hate that I get impatient with my kids when I'm stressed out.

I hate that as much as I try not to let it affect me and to just do the best I can and know that whatever happens, things will work out one way or another - I'm still varying degrees of freaked out about the future of my job and the changes it will bring, no matter what happens.

I hate that there's never enough time to spend with my friends.

But...I love that I have an outlet in blogging. I can take all my frustrations, get them out of my head, figuratively tear them up into a million little pieces and blow them into the wind. Despite the list that precedes this, and almost being in tears trying to get dinner ready this evening, just the thought of typing out this post after the kids are in bed was enough to help me take a deep breath, get the kids to help me with dinner and enjoy the time that I had with them before tucking them in for the night.

That. Is worth its weight in gold.

Happy Blogaversary to me!

2009-08-13T22:22:00.000-07:00

It's my one year blogaversary, and I got myself a little something for the occasion...
a new blog design!

I think Nap Warden did a fantastic job designing my new look, and I'm really happy with it. I'm still reorganizing everything, and populating my tabs, but check it out and let me know what you think!

Liveblogging my vacation

2009-08-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

We are on vacation at Bass Lake this week with my sister's family. It's a week I've been looking forward to since we left our vacation at Bass Lake last year. Today, I decided to liveblog a day of our vacation. Or I guess more like "livejournal" the day, to later type into a blog post, because I couldn't really take my laptop on the boat, at least not without repercussions...

6:45am - Kids wake up. Ok, somebody please tell me at what age do kids get the concept of sleeping in on vacation?

6:48am - Try to figure out rental cabin's TV remote for some cartoons for the kids, and possibly a bit more sleep for the parents. Never give up hope, I say.

7:12am - Finally get one of the TVs to work and get a show rolling for the kids.

7:13am - Decide to fire up my PC, now that I'm wide awake. At least I can relax and surf the internet a little while the kids watch a show.

7:15am - Start hearing chimes of "I'm hungry!"

8:15am - Everyone is fed, kids are playing puzzles and discussing what they want to be when they grow up. Professions include Mommy, Chef, Pet Doctor and Big. Who knew "big" was a profession?

8:30am - Read a comment on my latest post. Wonder if I alienated anyone who might have been offended by the word cunt. Too late now.

8:40am - Get sucked into reading blogs, and start to run out of distractions for the kids. Decide we better start getting ready to go out on the boat.

8:45am - Get mooned by my brother-in-law while attempting to ask my sister what we should pack for lunch.

10:10am - Kids dressed, sunscreen applied, cooler loaded, bags packed, ready to go. Yes, it took that long.

10:30am - Unload 10 floatation devices, 7 beach chairs, 1 beach umbrella, 25 sand toys and 5 kids onto the beach.

10:35am - Mooned again by my brother-in-law because he knows I'm liveblogging and wants to be included in the post.

10:36am - Realize that I forgot to put my own sunscreen on.

11:00am - Get a call on my cell phone, that I only have with me so I can log the time for these insane entries. It's Jessica, so I'm happy that I had my phone with me. She cracks me up, then we get back to swimming.

11:30am - The Dads take Seesa, Sejal and Jayne for a swim across the cove. Now's my chance to sit down for a few minutes of uninterrupted time. Nope. Milly needs to poop. Portable potty is really just for kid's who need to pee, and Milly is wearing a swim diaper that I can just change...so we just do this.

1:30pm - Load up floaties, chairs, umbrella, toys and kids for a cruise around the lake. Kids and parents take turns riding in, as Raj called it, the "Salami Blaster". There's a joke there somewhere, I'm just too tired to think of what it is.

3:00pm - Dock the boat back at the cabin, and take a swim in the cove.

3:45pm - As I'm enjoying a moment with Seesa riding with me on a floatie, she announces "I just peed on Mommy!" Nice.

3:50pm - Back in the cabin for baths and showers.

4:00pm - Give the girls french braids after their baths. This is one of the best parts of my vacation, having the time to leisurely style my kids' hair without rushing through one routine after another.

6:30pm - Dinner was fantastic, kids are playing quietly on the upper deck of the cabin, and the parents are sitting around the table talking about how nice it is that the kids play more independently now, and how much easier it is as they are getting older. Dundundundun...famous last words.

6:45pm - Jayne comes down and suspiciously asks for some water, followed by Seesa walking in with writing on her face and arms. What the??? We quickly learn that the kids decided to draw on Seesa and Milly, the extent of which we only discovered after putting them in the bath. They had graffiti all over their bodies. Jayne seemed to be the primary artist, as "Jayne Rocks" was scrawled across Seesa's tummy, and Milly donned "Bass Lake on her chest. I was dying to take a picture of it, but my husband thought that would send the wrong message. Whatever.

7:00pm - Kids are re-bathed and headed to bed. In separate rooms. Without dessert.

7:30pm - Parents sit down on the couch and laugh our asses of about the body graffiti. Break open another bottle of wine. Roast some s'mores (sorry kids). Turn on a movie.

If you got to this point, God bless you. I guess this is why people line up guest posts for their vacations. So readers don't have to be subjected to the blog equivelent of the family vacation pictures slideshow.

Good night!

Mrs Potato Head is a c*nt

2009-08-08T20:30:00.000-07:00

Alternate title: Calling all people with a Mrs. Potato Head fetish to my blog.

I actually scribbled out this post on the plane ride home from BlogHer, but I've had a migraine (or maybe it's a BlogHer hangover?) since the day I got back two weeks ago that has kept me from doing really anything besides just getting through the day - and night. I finally dragged myself to the doctor recently, and while I have yet to hear the results of the series of tests my doctor put me though, she did thankfully give me a prescription for some hard core pain relievers. Between that, and following the instructions of my best friend Lisa, who is a Physical Therapist - I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. Now, if only Lisa lived closer to me, and could come over and give me some massages...

By now, you've no doubt read more than your share of BlogHer recaps, so I'll be surprised if anyone even gets this far into this post. And if you have, you're probably just hoping I'll get to the Potato Head story. I could write a lot about my great weekend at BlogHer, but the one thing that highlighted the entire conference for me happened five minutes after my sister and I arrived at the hotel in Chicago.

We had just checked in when I noticed a small group of women sitting in the lobby that I recognized from their blogs. We went over to say hi, and it was not at all like I imagined meeting people that I had never actually talked to or seen in person would be like. It was more like catching up with friends that I'd known for a long time. There was an immediate camaraderie. I was so comfortable, that I ended up giving our room key to a couple of the women who needed a place to stash their stuff until they checked in. They were probably thinking, "who is this chick, and how does she know we're not axe murderers?" And then, "wait a minute, how do we know she's not an axe murderer!" Or maybe they felt the same way I did. The same way I felt with practically every person that I met that weekend.

I want to say THANK YOU to Kirsten, Issa, Renee, Christy, Stacey, Marinka, Jessica, Maura, Caitlin, Flappy, Greis, Andrea, Matt, Ben, Andrea, Kendra and every blogger I had the opportunity to meet, even briefly. Thank you for welcoming me as your friend. Thank you for connecting with me as a fellow writer. Thank you for opening my mind to the transformational power of blogging. Thank you for feeding my soul. Thank you for helping me find my voice. Thank you for making me laugh - and laugh and laugh and laugh. YOU made my weekend!

One of the small things I did do this past couple weeks of pain, was upload the pictures from my weekend at BlogHer so I could send them to all my new BFFs. My husband and I were watching TV on the couch while I was getting my pictures onto Flickr, and a character in the show said something to the effect of "...and then she called me the c word", at just about the same time that I was uploading the following picture:

Simultaneously, my husband was glancing over at this picture on my screen, and said to me "what's that?" To which I replied "c*nt". He stared at the picture for a moment before saying, "what do you have against Mrs Potato Head???"

...and thus, the title of this post was born.

p.s. If you took one of my blog cards at BlogHer, and tried unsuccessfully to find me on Twitter, I listed the wrong Twitter ID on my cards. It's @KariHeart. But I never tweet, so don't bother following me if you are expecting to actually communicate with me that way.

work with that

2009-07-31T22:47:00.000-07:00

On the second night of BlogHer, my true love gave to me – I mean, a group of us decided to get some dinner at the hotel. It was a warm night, so we got a table outside right along the river. We were perusing the offerings on the menu, when our waitress came over to ask us what drinks we wanted. I was feeling indulgent and decided on a chocolate malt.

"We’re out of ice cream", she blankly told me.

Ok, how about a root beer.

"Diet", she asked.

No, regular I replied, still feeling a bit indulgent.

"Diet", she said. "It’s all we have."

My friend, Renee, asked for a glass of white wine, only to find out they were all out of that too.

"And don’t order any salads", she told us, "because we're out of lettuce."

Ok, so let’s approach this from a different angle I though, and asked - What do you have?

“We’ve got burgers and fries. Work with that. I’ll be back.” Then she turned around and walked away.

How I almost didn't make it home from BlogHer

2009-07-26T22:28:00.000-07:00

Blame it on the lack of sleep I got my last night at BlogHer, the (un)organizational system of United Airlines, the clock on my phone never changing to the right time zone or excessive use of Twitter; the result is the same. I missed my flight home from BlogHer.

I stayed up late the last night of BlogHer, having a pajama party with my new BFFs. If you choose to picture a bunch of scantily clad ladies having a pillow fight right about now, that’s up to you. I can’t control your thoughts, but get back to the story now. In calculating how much sleep I was going to get, I planned for the latest possible time that I could leave for the airport, and still comfortably make my flight in time. I have never been one of those people who are early to everything. Sometimes I even like cutting it close. It seems to me that getting somewhere early is a big waste of time.

I saved some money on my way to the airport by sharing a cab, and made it in plenty of time to check in. The lines were long, but I aptly determined that the curbside check in was shorter, probably because fewer people wanted to stand outside in the hot sun. So far, so good.

On my way to the security line, I was stopped because I was carrying three bags, including my newly acquired bag of swag, when the limit is two. First I try to talk my way through. “I’m going to buy a larger bag once I’m in there, and combine two of my carry-ons”. The security woman tells me my idea is a good one – thank you - but she can’t let me through with three bags. I do a once over assessment of my bag situation and find a way to shove my purse into my swag bag. Admiring my bag combination aptitude, the security woman says “Nice”.

While in the security line, I get a text from United Airlines that the departure of my flight is delayed. See? This is when it pays off to shoot for “on time”, instead of early. Imagine the sleep I would have missed out on, had I arrived early. Suckahs. Now I have the perfect amount of time to grab coffee and leisurely walk to my gate; while simultaneously texting my sister (whose flight departs a couple hours after mine) with airport updates, and of course tweet with all the other BlogHers on their way home.

When my flight is even further delayed, now scheduled to take off around the same time as my sister’s flight, I decide to go hang out with her after she arrives at the airport. We talk. We eat. We tweet. After a while, I head over to my gate in another terminal. While sitting at my gate, I tweet about my delayed flight and text my sister with blogger sightings.

Tweet, tweet. Text, text. Think about my BlogHer recap post/s. What would be better… the hamburger story or the pajama party story? La La La. This traveling without kids thing is a piece of cake. My sister texts me that she just boarded her plane. I haven’t yet. She can’t believe it.

Wait a minute.

I look up and suddenly realize that my flight is boarding over at gate 27, not gate 25 where I am sitting. Where my boarding pass SAYS the flight is supposed to depart from. I walk over to the correct gate to see if they are boarding yet. That’s weird. No one is over here. I go to the United Representative at the counter to ask when boarding will begin. It’s already boarded, she sweetly replies. Oh, I’m on that flight, I tell her, and I ask where I should go to get on. Let me just call them, she smiles. After a few uh huh’s, she hangs up. Sorry, they’ve already closed the doors. Ok. Umm. Can you tell them to open the doors so that I can get on? I can see the plane right there, I tell her. I’m sorry, we can’t open the doors now, she says. It’s too late. We did call your name several times. Clearly, they didn’t use my Twitter name, or I MAY HAVE HEARD THEM.

Panic. What the holy hell am I going to do now? I cannot believe I’ve actually missed the flight that I ended up being three and a half hours early to! You see? You see why I am not meant to be an early bird? Apparently I look pathetic enough, that the United Representative gives me a standby pass for another flight departing in 10 minutes, and tells me I better get over to the other terminal before they close the doors to that flight in exactly 6 minutes from now.

I decide I’m going to need one of those cart thingys, and fast. I shove my money in, pile my (three) two carry-ons on the cart and proceed to sprint across the terminal at record speed. All adrenalin baby. The people I was passing probably thought I was on the show “Amazing Race”. Completely out of breath halfway through, I wonder if I can go on. I’m no runner, and I question if I even have the stamina to keep up the pace I need to make it in time. Nearing the finish line, I ditch my cart in favor of the escalator. Throwing myself on the counter, I beg the next United Representative to PLEASE let me on this flight. She quickly hands me a boarding pass and tells me to get my ass on the plane NOW. She may not have said ass, but it felt like she did.

Collapsing into my seat, way in the back of the plane, I breathe a sigh of relief and text my sister to let her know that I actually got on a flight. It is at that moment, I realize that I am on THE SAME FLIGHT as my sister.

To further solidify my belief that not just some things, but everything, happens for a reason… I ended up having a great conversation with a very nice gentleman sitting next to me. We were discussing my work in the Finance industry, and the uncertainty of my job after some recent big changes. It turns out that his brother is the HR Director at another financial firm in San Francisco. The silver lining – it’s always there.

The only thing you need to know about me if you meet me at BlogHer, or anywhere else in real life for that matter

2009-07-20T22:25:00.000-07:00

Apologies in advance for all of you who aren't going to BlogHer, and wish everyone who is going would just stop talking about it already... normal blogging will resume in a week or so. Oops, forgot about all the post-BlogHer recaps. Ok, give it a couple weeks.

Some bloggers have posted pre-BlogHer "get to know me" posts, that made me think - what do people need to know about me for this event? Then I realized that there is really only one thing that you need to know if you meet me at BlogHer, or anywhere else in real life for that matter (that's the my longest post title ever, by the way), and that one thing is how to pronounce my name.

My name is Kari. Pronounced "car", as in automobile, and "e", as in the letter E. As opposed to "care" "e", as in Sex in the City. My name is of Norwegian descent. As am I. As is my sister. Her name, by the way, is Kirsten - "keer" "sten". Our whole lives, we've gotten Carrie and Kristen. Except when the winter Olympics rolls around, and every other female athlete from Norway is named Kari or Kirsten. Then, I finally feel get to hear our names pronounced correctly on a regular basis. Please don't feel badly if you don't pronounce my name "car" "E". I may not even correct you. I so commonly hear it pronounced Carrie, that I don't even notice it anymore.

Also on the subject of BlogHer, I found this very funny comparison of a popular person vs a blogger on Mom-101's blog. It made me question how many people will actually be participating in the karaoke party on Friday night. Judging from the comments about the party on the BlogHer website, about 3 people seemed psyched about it. Guess maybe I'll have the mike all to myself!

What is D&G?

2009-07-14T22:15:00.000-07:00

That is the question I asked a couple of my good friends who were discussing clothes one day. What is D&G? They paused and looked at me. I'm guessing they were waiting for me to say "just kidding!". I didn't. Then they laughed their asses off. And that defines my fashion sense. Or lack there of...

While reading my BlogHer attendee news email, I learned that Tide and Tim Gunn want to know - what are you wearing to BlogHer '09? When I read this, I thought to myself, "Crap, what am I wearing to BlogHer?" I have absolutely no idea. So I thought I'd write a post about it, for the chance to win a private style consultation with Tim Gunn - who is apparently a big deal in the fashion world.

Here's Tim's list of essential items for BlogHer:

Basic black dress. Ok, gotta get one of those.

Classic white shirt. I think I've got one of those.

Jeans. Definitely have those.

Skirt. Got a couple of those too.

Day Dress. Nope. Can someone tell me where to find a day dress?

Jacket. Umm...not sure. Can you tell why I need this style consultation?!

What I do have is shoes. I adore shoes. Shoes are the one thing that I feel like I know how to buy. Although even that is questionable. Case in point... I just purchased three pairs of shoes from Target for $14 each. Come on - are people really going to be able to tell that they came from Target? I mean people other most woman and every gay man? Ok, so everyone will know, but won't they just think - "hey, cute shoes, and what a smart woman for getting them at a bargain!" Maybe not.

Here are some shoes (not from Target) that I think women and gay men can appreciate.

So, I'll be wearing these shoes at BlogHer. I'll most likely be naked other that that, seeing as how I have no clothes to go with them, but at least I'll be wearing cute shoes!

p.s. For my fellow non-fashionista friends... D&G stands for Dolce and Gabbana. Apparently.

Happy Birthday Mom

2009-07-11T22:29:00.000-07:00

Happy 75th Birthday Mom

We love you!

A trip to the Zoo...a lesson in expectations

2009-07-08T22:37:00.000-07:00

Milly, Me and Seesa at the SF Zoo

(Seesa asked me to put three pony tails in her hair

that day "so I can look like a clown" - direct quote)

I recently took a trip to the San Francisco Zoo. I was excited to see the new baby gorilla, Hasani, and I knew my girls would love seeing him too. I've got a routine when I visit the Zoo, that's tried and true. We get there just as they open, head straight for the bears to watch them catch live fish for their morning meal, head over for a ride on the steam train, check out the lions and tigers on our way to eat lunch, then head over to the children's area where we check out the meerkats and friends and the kids are just finishing their cotton candy in time to go into the petting zoo. That's the routine. And it works.

But not this time... Here's how this last trip went.

Get to the zoo just as they open - check. But wait a minute. Why is there a huge line of people waiting to get into the zoo? Weird. It's a weekday. What is up with that? I'm not too worried at this point, because I have a zoo membership, so I won't have to wait in that long line. When I get up to the front, I see a sign "SF Residents Free Day". Awesome. I can't stand crowds, and will do anything to avoid going somewhere during busy times, so this really sets us up for a fun visit.

Get the push jeep for the kids to ride in - check. Essential, especially with the crowds. I've got them contained, and can quickly move from one place to the next at my own pace.

Look at a zoo schedule to see when the baby gorilla is on display - check. Find out the gorilla exhibit is closed that day - shit.

Quickly head over the the far end of the zoo, so we can make it to the California bear exhibit in time for the morning feeding - check. We're one of the first people there, just a few minutes before feeding time. Except that feeding time is moved forward by a half an hour. Which I only discover after waiting for 20 minutes wondering why they haven't fed the bears yet. Ok, we'll just wait it out another 10 minutes, no problem. 20 minutes later, the zoo keeper comes out to inform us that they can't feed the bears in this exhibit today because of some bee's nest in the exhibit that they need to remove. Hello? Aren't bears used to bees? With the honey and all? Whatever.

Head to the steam train, that should be opening just about now - check. Get in relatively short line, this is looking good. Wait. Wait. Wait. Tell kids that if they don't stop antagonizing each other, we're not going on the train. Wait. Wait. Wait. Ask self WTF is going on today? Text my sister to tell her about my zoo visit so far. She says it sounds like a Fail. Think that if I had Twitter on my phone, I could tweet this right now. FINALLY get on the flipping train.

Try to pass by the carousel quickly enough that kids won't notice...nope. Kids noticed. Kids want to ride. Badly. Get in huge line for the dumb tokens. Really? I can't just give you my four bucks and get on? I have to wait in one line for tokens, and then another line to give you the tokens and get on the ride? The line for tokens is really more of a mob around the token machine, than a distinguishable line, so I sort of make my way to the front. One person finishes, and I'm standing next to another woman with a Gosselin-size family of kids and all I know is, I've got my money out and ready to go, and she's still rifling around her purse - so I just start shoving my money in and grabbing my tokens. I can't be totally sure, but she may have called me a few choice words in Spanish.

On our way over to grab some lunch, I asked the kids if they wanted to just head home and stop somewhere else fun on the way home. They are having nothing to do with that idea. Apparently, THEY are having fun! At least someone is...

Acquire surprisingly healthy meal and actually find a table to sit at - check. The cashier commented as I showed my membership for a discount on my meal, "I didn't expect to see any members here today". Yah. Well. I'm clearly not a well-informed member. Kids finish meal, with the promise of post-lunch cotton candy.

Leisurely peruse the rest of the zoo, with kids happily contained in the jeep, eating cotton candy and drinking "monkey juice", aka grape juice in monkey shaped bottles. Arrive at the petting zoo area, just in time to wipe sticky sugary hands off so that we can go feed some goats and ogle the baby ducklings. Check.

Head home prior to any waypastournormalnaptime meltdowns. Check.

Moral of the story = expectation and attitude are everything. My kids had no expectations for our zoo visit, and they had a grand ol' time, despite the series of unfortunate events that plagued my day. They are a constant reminder to me, to not sweat the small stuff - and it's ALL small stuff.

Gorillas Schmarillas...

Cotton Candy and Monkey Juice - it doesn't get better than that

Happy 4th of July!

2009-07-04T23:31:00.000-07:00

tangled web

2009-06-30T21:47:00.000-07:00

Have you heard that quote? "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive." I wouldn't say I set out to deceive exactly. At least not purposely. But check out the web I got myself stuck in.

I was dropping my kids off at preschool one morning. One of the Moms who lives in my neighborhood said in passing, "Hey, I saw you running yesterday". As is typical in the mornings, I was rushing, so I just said "Did you? Have a great day!".

Was there a possibility that she did see me running in the neighborhood, you ask. Not a chance.

I didn't give the exchange a second thought, until the next time I ran into her at preschool, and she said "Hey, I saw you running again - you're really motivated!" Great. She's bringing it up again? Think quick! "Oh yah, well, just trying to stay fit!" Nice choice. Now I've taken on this other person's identity.

New plan - avoid this Mom at all costs.

A short time later, I was at a friend's daughter's birthday party, and who do I run into? Aaaccckkk, it's the Mom from preschool who thinks I'm an avid runner. Ok, stick with the plan. Avoid her. She tracked me down despite my diversion tactics, and - you guessed it - she brings it up again! And now it's gotten worse. She says, "Did you get a personal trainer? I saw you running with a guy yesterday, it looked like he was timing you or something."

You have got to be kidding me. Not only do I run practically every day, but now I have a trainer or possibly I'm having an affair with someone. I wonder if we run before or after our trysts...? My mind wanders... Get back on topic! Think! What do I say now???

Here's my brilliant response. "Oh, if you saw me with someone else, then it definitely wasn't me. I only run alone." Huh? WTF is that supposed to mean? It was clearly the same person, and now I'm somehow trying to claim that I have a twin who is more of a team runner, whereas I am a dedicated solo runner. Why wouldn't I just run with my running twin? And her new hot trainer.

I think after that I think I said something like "Mommy's coming sweetie - gotta go!" and I made a fast exit, leaving her looking dazed and confused.

Moral of the story? Really, no matter how pressed for time you are - think before you speak. What I should have said on that very first encounter (which is also the complete truth by the way) was, "If you saw someone running, I can assure you that it most definitely was NOT me."

Silly Mommy Blogs

2009-06-23T23:56:00.000-07:00

The following post was written by Kirsten of The Norwindians - my sister and my inspiration for starting my own blog. That inspiration is the best gift she's ever given me.

Recently I wrote an article for my local mother's club newsletter. At the end of the article it said this:

"Kirsten lives with her husband and three children in Hillytown, Ca. In her spare time she writes about motherhood among other things at www.thenorwindians.blogspot.com."

I am starting to regret that little blurb. I feel sort of exposed. It was one thing for a few family members and some close friends to know about my blog. But now I sort of feel like I've exposed myself to my whole community. There is nothing on there that I am ashamed of, or regret writing. But it still feels a little strange.

Several people told me after the article was published that they liked reading it. It was nice to get actual face to face feedback on something I wrote. Something I was proud of and came from my heart. A few people had questions about the blog. A handful said they thought it was "neat" or "really great."

It could very possibly all be in my head, but lately I've been feeling a little bit judged at preschool pick up. At Raj's end of the year preschool picnic I overheard a conversation between three moms. I couldn't hear it all, but the snippets I did hear went something like this:

"If you have a blog, you have to know who your audience is."

"You know, they get paid. Every time you click on their page, the advertisers pay them."

"I'm not a writer, but some people just feel the need to be heard."

I have no idea if they were talking about me. They are moms that I am friendly with, but not more than a hello at drop off or a casual comment here and there. It bothered me for at first, but I was over it by the time I got home that day. Then recently another mom that I am actually fairly good friends with made the comment that she "had neither the time nor the inclination for mommy blogs." I'm not sure why I took offense. She is well aware of my blog, and she may read it occasionally.

After mulling it all over for the day, I feel the need to just get this off my chest. I remember the first time I heard the word "blog." Jay is always aware of the latest and greatest trends in technology. I remember when he told me about a small start-up company about 10 years ago that sounded to me like a glorified flea market and was sure to fail. I thought it sounded ridiculous. That company was called Ebay. Anyway, he started a sample blog, just to see what all the buzz was about and wanted to know what I thought. Of course, I thought it might be a good way to keep in touch with out of town family, but other than that, it looked sort of stupid. I didn't get it.

Four years later, I was showing him my new blog. I don't really remember the first blog I started reading, or how I came across it. But I've always enjoyed reading personal essays and getting a small look into someone else's life experiences. I find comfort in reading things that I can relate to. I have learned a ton and been exposed to whole other world's reading blog posts by people I have nothing in common with. I totally get it now.

I started my blog in part because of my relationship with my own mother. I've always wondered what her life was like when my sister and I were little. What did she think about? How did she feel about being a mom? What were we like? Did she ever get frustrated? Was it all sunshine and roses? Since I will never, ever be a scrap booker in the traditional sense... I wanted to create a virtual scrap book. A scrap book of words. The good, the bad and everything in between of my motherhood experience. I want to remember that Raj calls guacamole whack-a-moley. I want to remember days like this and things like this. I also want to document my thoughts about things like this and this.

And let's face it -- I am a straight up mommy blogger. I'm not a great writer, writing on a blog to hone my craft. I am just a mom sharing my stories on a blog. I post lots of stories about my kids and endless photos. It is what it is. Maybe I am a little geeky, but find reading about other people's lives interesting. I don't think anything bad can come from sharing our motherhood/life experiences and getting feedback from each other. And isn't that really the essence of blogging? It is for me anyway.

And the money/ads question. Much to my husband's disappointment, I make enough money off ads on my blog to be able to take my kids out for frozen yogurt once a month. I am not in this for the money and honestly, product reviews are not my cup of tea.

Maybe it will all backfire on me someday and my kids will not like my virtual scrap book at all. I am hoping that they will someday appreciate this little record of our lives. I am hoping that sharing my "journal" with them when they are older will make us closer.

I am not really sure why I am not comfortable posting this on my own blog. I have been feeling very tentative there lately since the article in the newsletter came out. I think I was a much better blogger a year ago when no one was reading me. I realize I am preaching to the choir here when it comes to why we blog. But I needed to get it out anyway. In a lot of ways I am more comfortable with myself on my blog. I find it much easier to express myself in writing than in person. I can say things on my blog that I would be terrified to tell even my sister in person. If that makes me strange, or geeky, or whatever, so be it.

I understand that lots of people don't "get" blogging, especially personal blogging. It's the same thing as me not really "getting" Facebook (even though they are so similar, go figure). I know it may seem strange to some. They can't imagine spending a weekend in Chicago talking about blogging and meeting virtual strangers in real life.

But you are not strangers to me at all. I gain a lot from reading your blogs. If you gain something from reading mine, great! Who is my audience? The only audience that really matters to me are these people.

Thankful Thursday - cupcakes, cookies and corporate takeovers

2009-06-18T22:24:00.000-07:00

Thank you Christie of A Lil' Welsh Rarebit, for the adorable "Your blog is deer to me as cupcakes" award. It means just what it says, and who doesn't love cupcakes. And deer. And of course fun awards!

Thank you to Mel over at Colorful Metaphors, for the SO yummy homemade cookies I won at her blog warming party. She even shares the delicious recipe over on her blog - check it out!

Thank you to my firm for finally announcing the fate of our company. That's right, the wait is over. Another financial firm has purchased the financial firm that I work for. This will likely result in a sizable layoff after the end of the year. And how is it that this is something to be thankful for??? After spending the better part of the past two years engrossed in the day to day details of the economic downturn, having survived one round of layoffs earlier this year only to learn shortly afterwards that my firm was up for sale, then working in a fog of ambiguity and stress for the past few months while we all waited to see what was going to happen - now we finally know!!! Now we can move forward! I don't know what will happen to my job, but I strongly believe that when one door closes, several more open. I'm ready to walk forward through the next door in my life, whatever happens.

I will bestow the "Your blog is deer to me as cupcakes" award to you, if you leave me a comment telling me about the best bad news you've ever gotten.

Summer is here!

2009-06-15T21:46:00.000-07:00

From the mountains to the oceans...the family camping has officially begun!

The first weekend of June, we took a long anticipated trip to a campsite in the Sierra that my husband and I frequented before having kids. The good news is that it was just as beautiful as we remembered. The bad news is that it was not exactly summer weather just yet at that elevation...there was actually snow on the ground near our campground, so we had to cut our trip short. We had a good time though, and can't wait to go back when there is more sun and less rain.

This past weekend, we joined our good friends Scott and Christie, and their adorable son Sawyer for a camping trip on the coast to help celebrate Scott's 40th birthday. The weather was beautiful, the company fantastic and our campsites had a view of the ocean - it doesn't get better than that. Scott and Christie inspired us to get our little camper, and it was great to spend time camping with them again. As a bonus, we were dogsitting for the week. The kids had so much fun camping with "Baker" the chocolate lab. I can't wait until we have a dog in our lives again.

Times like these...are what life is all about.

...and now for something completely different

2009-06-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

After thoroughly depressing my friends with my last post, I thought I'd post something for a little laugh! In the spirit of a blog that I can't get enough of, Reality Roadkill, I wrote my own recap of the last episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8. (yes, I'm still watching it...no, no need to give me a hard time about it - my co-workers take care of that for you)

So, Jon and Kate celebrated their 100th episode by having Emeril come and cook for the whole family. They chopped some onions, snapped some peas, peeled some garlic and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZ then I woke up and noticed that Kate’s hair seems to have a striped look to it now.

When Emeril congratulated them on their hundredth episode and said “I don’t know how you made it to 100 episodes”, I was really wishing somebody would have said “Well, the jury’s still out on that one.” Clearly, Emeril hasn’t actually seen any episodes of Jon and Kate Plus 8. Next week on TLC’s excuse for a half hour long commercial for their other shows; Jon, Kate and the kids hang out with the biker dudes from American Chopper.

Waiting

2009-06-09T20:32:00.000-07:00

Head under water, and you tell me, to breathe easy for awhile. The breathing gets harder, even I know that.

I've had a couple of posts spinning around in my head. One is about work, and one is about my Mom; and they are strangely related.

Every day at work over the past few months, we've all been waiting. Waiting on the fate of our company. Waiting to be told how it will effect all of us. Waiting to hear word about how long all of this will take. Waiting. I know I don't have any control over any of it. I've tried not to think about it, but it's hard to avoid. It creeps into my dreams. I took a few days off recently, left my blackberry behind and avoided the Internet and the news like the plague. Yet, on Sunday night, I dreamt that I was being laid off the following day at work. My boss handed me five checks, all for random amounts - $7.19, $238.20 - and he couldn't tell me exactly what they were for. Then I had to leave my blackberry at work and forgot to pull all my personal contacts off of it, so I couldn't call any of my friends to tell them what happened. Not the greatest night sleep, to say the least. My friends and family ask me periodically how things at work are going, and I'm not sure if it helps or causes more anxiety, because I'm still waiting. There's not much to talk about and not much I can do to prepare for it. What will happen, will happen, and I'll just have to deal with it when it comes.

Recently, my good friend Marisa lost her Father unexpectedly. He went in for open heart surgery, but there was no reason at all to think that he wouldn't come out of it just fine. Despite needing the surgery, he was otherwise healthy and strong. The doctors were not concerned. I was assuring her that everything would be alright, and telling her about how routine these surgeries are. His actual surgery went fine, but afterwards his blood would not coagulate, and they lost him. I was so sad for Marisa and her family, but I can't say that I was truly surprised about what happened. It's almost like, in the back of my mind, I was almost expecting it.

I lost my own Father of cancer when I was eleven years old. I think that having gone through losing a parent at a young age, my illusions of forever were shattered very early in life. I knew the reality that people do die. No matter how much you don't want them to.

My Dad didn't ever admit that he was dying though, even when he was very, very sick. Whether it was because he didn't want us - his kids - to know that he would die, or whether it was because he himself didn't actually believe he would die, I'll never know. My Mom tells a story about a time very close to the end of his life, when he was lying in the hospital bed looking worse than he had ever looked. My Mom and the doctor were talking, when my Dad looked at them and said, "Well Doc, I think I'm finally getting better!". That, to me, defines hope.

Thankfully, my Mom knew better than to let us live in a fantasy. Even as our Dad would talk to my sister and I about all the things we were going to do when he got better, our Mom prepared us for the fact that our Dad would most likely never get out of the hospital. I remember vividly the day my Mom picked me up from after-school care and drove to a park where she told me that my Dad had died. I knew, before she even said anything. I knew. I'm not sure whether my sister, at eight years old, knew like I did. I was there when my Mom told her, and I still cry whenever I think about that moment. She came home, excited to show Daddy her Brownie buttons. I was crushed that she was about to be consumed by this sadness and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

I think that because of this, there's a part of me that expects the worst.

My sister wrote recently about an incident with our Mom. Our Mom never remarried after our Dad died, and she lives on her own about an hour from my house, ten minutes from my sister. She'll be turning 75 next month. One Saturday, our Mom was supposed to attend a Family Fun Run and Carnival with my sister, but had called my sister in the morning to cancel because she was feeling dizzy and thought she should rest. On that same day, I had been trying to call our Mom, but her phone was busy all day. By the evening, my sister and I were worried, and debating what to do. I was an hour away, and her husband was out of town - making it difficult for either of us to run over there and check on her. It wasn't unheard of that our Mom would leave the phone off the hook and not realize it. We decided that my sister would go to her house after dropping off the kids the next morning. I don't think either of us slept that night.

The next morning, I kept thinking... I'm sure everything is just fine. But, in the back of my mind, it was there. The possibility that things were not just fine. I would not have been surprised if my sister had called me to say that she was not alright. I was almost expecting it.

Thankfully, things were just fine. Our Mom didn't even realize that the phone was not working. I didn't find out until later, that my sister was terrified as she was walking into our Mom's house. It just didn't occur to me that she wouldn't also be somehow prepared for the worst. My sister says in her post that she feels like we are living in a state of fear. And we are. I fear that we won't be able to get our Mom to move into an assisted living when the time comes. I fear that she will cut her life shorter than it could be by not taking care of herself. I fear telling my kids when their beloved Grammy isn't with us anymore. I fear going through years and years of my Mom's collections after she is gone.

But as far as my Mom actually dying, I feel like I'm waiting, and I hope to be waiting for a long, long time.

Child of the 70s

2009-06-01T21:32:00.000-07:00

One of my best girls turned 40 this month, and she had a 70s disco party this weekend to celebrate. Lish and I met in Junior High, and have been friends since High School. We've been through a lot together. Having moved a lot when I was young, she's the one friend I've had the longest relationship with. Besides my sister, Lish probably knows me better than anyone does. Heck, sometimes I feel like she knows me better than I know myself. I think we all need friends like that. We've even dated the same guy - thankfully, neither of us ended up with him.

I don't know why I thought I had to go to a costume store for my 70s outfit. After seeing what some other people put together, I realized that I could gotten some groovy 70s duds right at the local mall! It all came together though, after my good friends Rita and Dawn finished my look with 70s hair and make-up, complete with copious amounts of blue sparkly eye shadow, Wet-N-Wild pink shimmer lip gloss and yes, those are Lee press-on nails.

I'm pretty sure my hair actually misses this style. It was happy that night...

The party was a blast, and I danced all night long to the great disco tunes - regardless of whether or not I had any company on the dance floor. No, I don't get out much. The day after the party, Lish and I had a long and relaxing breakfast before I headed back home. We always have the best conversations. We were at lunch together one time, and our waiter commented that he noticed we had been laughing and talking throughout our whole meal. Then he said "You guys should always be friends." We told him we planned to be.

One of the things we talked about at our leisurely breakfast was was why she picked the 70s theme for her party. We were born in the 60s, children in the 70s, teens in the 80s and college grads with new careers in the 90s. Looking back on all those decades, Lish said the 70s was the most carefree time of her life. Life's difficulties were circling above us, as were the adults we were dwarfed by. We were just discovering life. Our biggest concern was whether the Bradys could return the idol to the ancient Hawaiian burial grounds, and end the bad luck by the next episode.

So that you too can share in my nostalgia, I thought I'd show my favorites from this list that I'm sure you've seen a million times. What are you favorite memories from the 70s?

You know you're a child of the 70's if...

You wore a rainbow shirt that was half-sleeves, and the rainbow went up one sleeve, across your chest, and down the other.

You made baby chocolate cakes in your Easy Bake Oven and washed them down with snow cones from your Snoopy Snow Cone Machine.

You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a basket.

You owned roller skates with metal wheels.

You thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute.

"De plane, de plane" is a phrase you are familiar with.

Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession.

You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon.

You had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple shredded outfits.

You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color.

You had a pair of Doctor Scholl's sandals.

"All skaters, change directions" means something to you.

Your hairstyle was described as having "wings".

You carried a Muppets lunch box to school.

You and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazzard was your boyfriend.

It was a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz" would come on TV. Your mom would break out the popcorn and sleeping bags!

You even asked your Magic-8 ball the question: "Who will I marry? Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or Rick Springfield?"

You completely wore out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack albums.

You made Shrinky-Dinks!

You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker.

You couldn't wait to get the free animal poster that came when you ordered books from the Weekly Reader book club.

You learned everything you needed to know from Judy Blume.

You thought Olivia Newton John's song "Physical" was about aerobics.

You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs.

You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer, or one of Charlie's Angels...

Lish, our friend Lisa in the middle, and me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISH!!!

Let's always be friends.

Thankful Anyway Thursday

2009-05-28T22:12:00.000-07:00

Ok, I know what you are thinking... when the hell is Kari going to write a post other than Thankful Thursday? Hey...at least I'm trying to stay thankful, right?

My excuse can be summed up in one word - overwhelmed.

I remember back in April (which seems like just yesterday), my friend Marisa asked me if we could get together one weekend in May. I checked out my calendar, and realized that we already had at least one thing going on every single weekend day throughout the month of May. Many days we were double or triple booked, not to mention that every weekday had at least one or two evening activities we had to attend. My reaction was, holy crap, we have absolutely no free time in May. My reaction should have been HOLY CRAP, we have absolutely NO free time in May, I better figure out how to skim some of this down so we (I) can stay sane!

To make things even more fun, life in general outside of all of these activities, has been c r a z y. Work is insane these days. I work in the financial industry. Enough said. Things around my firm are more than uncertain, and everyone is varying degrees of wigged out. We're supposed to learn more about our fate sometime in mid-June. Until then, everyone is waiting. Not fun. Not fun at all. On the home front, it's not a whole lot easier. My sweet little Milly, as I talked about in a recent post, somehow turned thirteen on her third birthday and I'm pretty sure she thinks she's ready to move out of the house - which would actually be just fine with me at this point. Or, if maybe she could at least go out and get a job if I end up losing mine, that would be great. We've been struggling with some "daytime wetness" issues with Seesa, or at least that's the term they use at the Urology Clinic we've finally ended up at to figure all of this out. My marriage is...well, hanging on by a thread at this point. I'm so overwhelmed that I've been letting things get to me that are completely removed from my own life - like the fate of Jon and Kate plus 8. Why the heck am I so upset about their situation? Seriously, there's no doubt that I have no idea what the real story is, because it's all being spun by TLC and the media. Maybe it just gives me something to worry about, other than my own worries.

So, what exactly am I thankful for, you ask? Good question. I'm actually Thankful Anyway. I discovered the Thankful Anyway Thursday post on Holistic Mama's blog. She says, "it's easy to be thankful for the good stuff, can you be thankful for the not so good?"

I'm thankful anyway because I have a job right now, which is more than a lot of people can say these days.

I'm thankful anyway because Milly is coming into herself in her third year of life, and challenging me to teach her how to turn her defiance into self confidence and self reliance.

I'm thankful anyway because Seesa is excited and willing to do the things that the doctors have told us will help her.

I'm thankful anyway because what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. I have faith and I'm certain that if we can work through our struggles, it will make our marriage stronger.

My friend Lisa sent me an email recently called, "Just do the next thing...". It was about an overwhelmed Mom who heard someone speak about the simple concept of doing the next thing. When her emotions would start to run away with her, she would simply ask herself what the next thing she needed to do was. And then she would do it. And then she would do the next thing, and the next, and the next. And all those little "next things" got her through the most overwhelming days.

So, I'm going to be just doing the next thing, while I get though this month and the next, and one of those next things will be writing in my blog - because I miss it, and I miss connecting with all of you.

Thankful Thursday

2009-05-21T05:00:00.000-07:00

I originally titled this post, "What we've been up to...", but as I went through all the pictures I wanted to add to this post, I realized how thankful I am for all that we've been up to.

Our babysitter, Anne. Although we had to give her up for the regular

morning gig, we still have her sit for us on other occasions.

It's so great to have someone we can call,

who the kids LOVE.

Time spent with friends. We've done lots of fun activities with

our friends, which is such a joy - for the kids and for ME.

Goofing around with Grace and Hadley,

after a sushi dinner.

Train Town with my good friend Nancy from Sacramento,

and her twin boys, Rhys and Otto.

Children's Fairyland and backyard fun with my girl, Katie

and her girls, Isabel and Grace.

(who are almost exactly the same ages as my girls)

More backyard fun with Grammy and the bunnies.

Preschool field trip to a farm. Can I tell you how hard it was

to explain to my girls why we couldn't bring any baby

chickens home with us?

Seesa's first official rabbit show! She got to try out

showmanship with her lop-eared bunny, "Snowflake",

and her little miniature bunny, "Sweet" won first place in her class.

The day brought back great memories for me of my 4-H days.

I'm so glad they love it as much as I did (do).

We saw this at another 4-H event at a historic state park in our area.

I thought it was beautiful.

Mom's Car vs. Dad's Car

2009-05-06T07:33:00.000-07:00

A comparison...

My Car:

Economical commuter car
Ability to hold large volume of groceries
Always stocked with wipes, Kleenex, books, toys, snacks, recyclable grocery bags, pens, paper and a potty
Spotted with crumbs, half-eaten snacks, random drawings, empty water bottles, wrappers, animal hair, crayons, receipts, kid's jackets, stuffed animals and usually a bag or two of something on it's way to be transported somewhere else

His Car:

Fast and Sexy (those are his exact words)
Ability to hold multiple sets of golf clubs
Always stocked with gum
Spotless

Don't get me wrong. I love my Mommy car. I wouldn't have it any other way. And despite what it may sound like, my husband does actually have the kids ride in his car, he just frisks them before getting in to ensure they are not carrying any substances he does not want to see fall in between the seat cracks.

I'm also guest posting today for Christie on A Lil' Welsh Rarebit, while she is enjoying the beach in Florida. But I'm not jealous or anything.

A happy birds day shout out to my good friend Lish, who hit the big 4-0 today!!! Welcome to the club girlfriend, 40 is the new 30! According to Oprah anyway...the foremost expert on everything, don't you know.

Usually I wake up grumpy, but sometimes I let her sleep in

2009-05-04T21:36:00.000-07:00

When I first heard this funny quote in the title of this post, I immediately thought of my little Milly. The day she turned three, she ceremoniously entered "the terrible threes". Oh, didn't you hear? Three is the new "terrible two".

In addition to waking up grumpy almost every day, she's begun fighting us on e v e r y t h i n g. The entire morning is filled with "no" from Milly. Milly, let's go have breakfast. No. Milly, can you show me how you can use the potty? No. We need to change your diaper then. No. Milly, we need to get dressed now. No. One night at dinner, she took a stand the moment she got to the table. "I don't like dis, and I'm not gonna eat it!" She pushed her chair away from the table, and crossed her arms in a huff. We told her that she would probably be hungry later if she didn't eat dinner, and then tried to ignore her. Milly would not be ignored. She kept repeating her mantra, "I DON'T like dis, and I'm NOT gonna eat it!" over and over to her dim parents who were clearly not getting it. After we had all finished our dinner - the rest of us who were actually eating it that is - Milly quietly pulled her chair back to the table, and ate her dinner. Every last bite.

Even her big sister Seesa rolls her eyes at us when Milly gets into one of her toddler tantrums. I usually just shake my head and tell my husband "now you know what it's like to live with you". Even he admits that if his own Mom was still alive, she'd no doubt have a million stories to tell about how he acted the exact same way when he was her age. It cracks us up most days. When we're not going insane trying to get her to believe that the thing we want her to do, was actually her idea to begin with.

Although it's a daily struggle lately to maintain my patience, I'm still incredibly happy that she's finding her voice and growing into herself. It helps that she's SO darn cute, even when she's acting out. And on a dime, she turns it around and just oozes sweetness.

Seesa and Milly in "time out".

Yeah, I really taught them a lesson here, as you can see...

Wine is proof that God loves us, and wants to see us happy

2009-05-02T22:17:00.000-07:00

Benjamin Franklin was a smart man (that's his quote in the title of this post).

We spent some rare couple time this weekend. The kids spent a day and evening with their favorite babysitter, and we spent the day in the beautiful Napa Valley - even if it was raining - at a barrel tasting at Nickel and Nickel Winery with my sister and her husband. The winery was lovely, the lunch was delicious and the wine was heavenly.

The timing was perfect, as it's also the thirteenth anniversary of the date that my husband asked me to marry him. That evening after we got home, I spent a few hours organizing all the kid's clothes, then we watched a movie on the couch with some popcorn. Romantic, I know. Which is pretty much what we used to do before having kids, sans the organization of said kid's clothing of course. Ah, memories.

Blogging by the campfire

2009-04-26T14:50:00.000-07:00

We decided to take an impromptu camping trip, so I did some blogging in front of the campfire. Yep. Out in the middle of the wilderness, but still connected to wireless Internet. Gotta love technology. You can never be too far out of touch, unless you really, really try.

My favorite Milly quotes from this camping trip...

After arriving at the campground and getting all set up: "When are we going camping?"

"Mommy, pick me down!"

"Peetend I'm da Mommy, and you da baby. Go to sleep baby."

and the best one...

"When we gonna marsh da mellows?"

Seesa spent most of her time chasing butterflies, catching lizards, riding her bike and pretending to be Bolt. Or making Milly pretend to be Bolt. Or pretending Soggy Doggy is Bolt...she's really into the movie Bolt needless to say.

So, in the words of Rhino (from the movie Bolt, that I have completely memorized since we've watched it about a million times), the camping trip was "fully awesome"!

Except that my laptop now smells like campfire smoke.

Disney is not paying me to endorse the movie Bolt - they're probably still bitter about my post about their supposed "fast play" option on their DVDs.

Thankful Thursday, on a Friday

2009-04-24T21:54:00.000-07:00

Anyone noticing a trend here? What can I say...it's been a tough couple of weeks. Which made me even more thankful for the surprise I received in the mail today. It was my "Pay it Forward" package of goodies from But Why Mommy. This was just the bit of sunshine that I needed!

Check out these beautiful earrings, handmade by Renee herself. I put them on immediately, and wore them all evening. They are light and feminine - and I love them!

She also sent a lovely little journal and some yummy dark chocolate - my favorite sweet, how did she know? I loved the saying on the front of the journal, "Grow the flowers that you love, sing the songs you've forgotten, climb your tree". And inside the journal's cover, "She is a gatherer: moonlight, found wishes, moments of gratitude".

What a very special surprise. Thank you Renee!

Thankful Thursday, on a Sunday

2009-04-19T23:33:00.000-07:00

For a gorgeous weekend, just when I needed it the most...

After a fun Saturday visiting an amusement park and going to an afternoon tea, today we spent a leisurely day in our own backyard - one of my very favorite places in our home. After breakfast this morning, I immediately set up the blow-up pool, and we broke out the swim suits by 9:00am. We only left the yard to go into the house for snacks, lemonade, the occasional potty break and a nap for Milly. My Mom came up with two bags full of clothes from my sister, just when Seesa was outgrowing everything she owns. My friend Katie visited in the morning with her girls. I cleaned all the bunny cages - call me crazy, but it relaxes me. We ordered pizza for dinner and ate outside, since it was still so beautiful.

And for friends, in the blogosphere and in "real life", who catch me when I fall and hold me up - just when I need it the most.

I'm so very thankful.

The price of indepenence

2009-04-16T04:10:00.000-07:00

I'm a fiercely independent person. Partly, I think I was born into it. I'm an Aries. But I also think I grew into it. My Dad died when I was eleven years old. Cancer sucks. My Mom was working as a nurse, so she was able to work to support our family. My sister and I grew up in a nice home, in a nice neighborhood. Not going to college was never an option for me. I remember my Mom telling me many times how fortunate we all were that she had a career. I witnessed firsthand how important my Mom's independence was to our family.

I've always taken pride in the fact that I can take care of myself. I love helping people, and I never hesitate to offer help when I see people in need. However, I have a really hard time asking for, or accepting help from others.

I've realized that independence has a price.

I get really frustrated at times at home when I make dinner, give the kids a bath, get them in their jammies, read them stories, put them in bed, clean the dishes, make the lunches, prepare meals for the next day, fold the laundry, log on to the computer to work...all without my husband ever asking if I need help. To his credit, I'd probably say no anyway. What I really want is for him to just help, without asking if I need it. Because for some reason, to me, admitting that I need help is like admitting that I can't do it all myself.

I was thinking back recently to the times when I was in the hospital after my babies were born. I had to have a c-section with both of their births. My husband didn't spend the night at the hospital with me. I knew he'd be more comfortable at home, and besides, I could do this. I even kept my babies with me in my hospital room, instead of in the nursery, because I could do this. And I did. When they'd wake every hour or two at night, I'd struggle to pull myself up, painfully reach over into their little bassinet and figure out the least painful position to try to nurse them. I didn't even like asking the nurses for help, but one of them gave it anyway. She would take Seesa to the nursery for a couple hours in the middle of the night, insisting that she needed her time at the "beauty parlor". She'd wash her, change her, feed her...while I slept. Then she'd bring her back smelling so good and I be a little rested. That first night at home with Seesa, I recall waking up over and over throughout the night, trying to breastfeed her. She wasn't getting even close to enough milk to satisfy her and she'd wake up screaming within less than an hour. By the wee hours of the morning, she wouldn't even latch on anymore and just cried in my arms while I held her, helpless and exhausted. I finally broke down crying myself, and called for my husband to help me. He took her, fed her a bottle and I collapsed in bed. Defeated.

It's probably having kids that has really shown me the price I pay for my independence. I do need help. I need people for so many reasons. I look back on those very early days of Motherhood. When I was desperately hanging onto my independence. I wish that I had asked for help. I wish that I had asked my husband to stay in the hospital with me. If only so that I could share the experience and have the memories of it reside somewhere other than just in my own mind.

I actually wrote this post months ago, but remembered it tonight, and felt inspired to post it. Sometimes, life just gets overwhelming. I'm usually the one who always finds the silver lining, no matter what is going on. The one who refuses to let things get me down, never gives up faith and tries to hold everyone else up. But sometimes... I want someone to hold me up. Just for a while.

a moment for Maddie

2009-04-14T14:30:00.000-07:00

Please take a moment today, to think about the beautiful Maddie, and send positive thoughts to her wonderful parents - Heather and Mike. They, and many many others, are remembering Maddie today at 2:30pm. Remember that life is so precious. Cherish every moment.

I'm wearing purple today, in honor of this butterfly that touched so many lives forever. I can't stop thinking about some of the words from one of my kids' favorite books, On the Night You Were Born. "If ever you doubt just how special you are, or wonder who loves you, how much and how far, listen to geese honking high in the sky - they're singing a song to remember you by. Or look at the bears asleep at the zoo, it's because they've been dancing all night for you. For never before, in story or rhyme, has the world ever known a you, my friend. And it never will, not ever again."

Hoppy Easter

2009-04-12T20:45:00.000-07:00

Had to say it...I couldn't help myself.

Seesa with Snowflake and Milly with Butterfly

Hope the bunny was good to you this year!

41 things

2009-04-11T13:23:00.000-07:00

About me.

1. My birthday is April 11th, I'm 41 today
2. I had an 80s karaoke party for my 40th birthday last year
3. Listening to 80s music just makes me happy
4. Singing almost any music makes me really happy
5. I've lived almost my whole life in the San Francisco Bay Area
6. I lived in Michigan for a few years when I was in Elementary School
7. I gave birth to both of my kids in San Francisco
8. If I'd started earlier, and didn't work full-time, I'd have more kids
9. I love being a Mom
10. Outside of the US, I've traveled to Canada, London, France, Italy, Switzerland, Netherlands, Tahiti, Mexico, Australia and New Zealand
11. Within the US, I think New York is my favorite city, second to SF
12. When I was younger, my family drove across the country together
13. My Dad died of cancer when I was eleven years old
14. I have a younger sister
15. My Mom is a nurse
16. My Father-in-Law was an FBI Agent
17. Three men I've dated have been adopted, including my husband
18. We may adopt a child someday
19. In college, I had an internship as a sexual health counselor
20. I have a degree is in psychology
21. I work in Finance
22. At work, I probably use my psychology skills more than anything I've learned about Finance
23. I wanted to be an exotic animal trainer
24. I love animals
25. Growing up, I was very active in 4-H
26. In college, I had a dog, cat, rabbit and rat as pets all at the same time - and they all got along with each other
27. We currently have four rabbits, but I'd like to have more animals - I just have to ease my husband into it...
28. I'd love to live on a farm, but I'd still want to be close to a major city
29. I hate running
30. I ~~ran~~ mostly walked a marathon in Hawaii
31. I passionately support a good cause
32. I've attempted to get on the reality show Survivor
33. I love reality TV
34. Skydiving is the most exhilarating thing I've ever done
35. I'm an optimist (which I've found to be a good thing when jumping out of an airplane)
36. I think I'm really good at seeing both sides of any issue
37. I love camping
38. Fall is my favorite time of year, especially rainy days
39. My favorite food is popcorn and a glass of milk with ice in it
40. I don't like the taste of coffee, but I love the smell of it
41. I didn't realized just how much I love writing, until I started my blog

Hug your kids extra tight today

2009-04-08T22:58:00.000-07:00

I'm reminded of how precious life is, as I mourn along with so many in the blogging community, the loss of little Madeline.

Hug your kids extra tight today, send your thoughts and prayers to the Spohrs, and give if you can to the March of Dimes in Maddie's name.

I usually write my Thankful Thursday post tonight, and I was going to write about something that I heard in an interview with Michael J Fox. He was talking about how his Parkinson's gives him a wonderful perspective on life. Whenever his kids want to show him something or talk to him about something, he stops whatever he is doing - because nothing is more important than being with them in that moment. His condition reminds him daily, that life is precious.

So precious.

Happy Birthday Milly

2009-04-03T21:16:00.000-07:00

My little Milly turned the big 3 years old today! In honor of my beautiful baby girl's birthday, I wanted to write her birth story.

We knew Milly would be born on April 3rd very early in my pregnancy. I had to be scheduled for a c-section at 38 weeks, because of issues that I had during the end of my first pregnancy. Even though the actual day of her birth was not going to be a surprise, the fact that she was going to be a girl was a surprise. Since we did not know, we searched for boy and girl names. It didn't take long to settle on the name Amelia for a girl. It had a beautiful ring to me, and I really liked the nickname, Milly. A name for a boy was more difficult for us. One name that we both liked was Beret. (Or Barrett, or Berhet...) It's actually my middle name, so it had meaning to us. I really liked it, and my husband decided he loved it for a boy's name.

Less than a month before I was going to give birth, I decided that I just didn't like our chosen boy name. I wasn't all that wild about it as my middle name while I was growing up. In fact, after I was married, I made my maiden name my middle name when I changed my last name. At first, I really liked the idea of using the name for my son. Then, I was having trouble deciding on how to spell it, and eventually just decided that I didn't want to use it. To say that my husband was not happy that I'd changed my mind, is an understatement. It's quite possibly the biggest argument we've ever had. He was already attached to that name, and he had no interest in searching for a new one. On top of it, he did not want to go to the hospital without having chosen a name for a boy, so now he felt like the "deadline" to find a new name was looming.

Slow forward (because that's what the next few weeks was like...) to the day before I was scheduled to go into the hospital for the big day. It was a gorgeous day. Everywhere I looked, spring was blossoming. My sister came over for dinner with her twins. We took fun pictures of my big belly on that last day that baby#2 would inhabit it. I loved being pregnant - both times - and I knew I was going to miss the feeling of having a baby inside of me. It was kind of surreal knowing that I was going to be giving birth to my baby the very next day.

The next morning, I was excited, but nervous. I was nervous about the obvious - what would it be like to go straight into a c-section, would everything go alright, would be baby be ok. I was also nervous about the fact that we still had not settled on a name for a boy. I take that back. My husband had settled on a name. The original name choice. I had settled on a name too. A new one. We had not come to an agreement about which one we would use.

The nurse who was assigned to me for my check-in and preparation for the birth was new, and still learning. She was so sweet and patiently guided me through the process. At one point, I glanced at her name badge. Her name was Amelia. It was at that point, the moment that I saw her name, I knew that everything was going to be ok. I still was unsure about whether I was having a boy or a girl. I didn't really see it as a sign that I was having a girl, but a peacefulness came over me that told me that whatever happens, it's going to be alright.

Fast forward to the moment when my baby was born (because that's how the next few hours went - like mere minutes). My doctor pulled her out, and announced "it's a girl"! I was truly amazed, and so very happy. I couldn't wait to tell my sister, who was in the room with us when she arrived, my new baby girl's full name. Milly's middle name is my sister's first name.

She was just beautiful.

She's even more beautiful every day.

Thankful Thursday

2009-04-02T22:17:00.000-07:00

A good friend of mine, T. Rose, shared the most beautiful quote with me. I thought it was perfect for a Thankful Thursday post.

"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses."

It's true - attitude is everything.

p.s. His last name really is Rose. How appropriate is that?

April Fools Day shenanigans

2009-04-01T22:58:00.000-07:00

I'd forgotten until today, how much my husband LOVES April Fools Day. The first thing he did when he got up, was to play a joke on the kids. He came into their bedroom and gave them each a stick of gum in a silver wrapper. When they discovered that there was no actual gum in the wrapper - "April Fools!!!". They thought it was hilarious. It helped that he did give them the actual gum afterwards.

The day went on like that. My husband playing little April Fools tricks on the girls and vice versa. He even scanned the Internet during the kids' bath time, and relayed various stories of April Fools jokes that companies had played today.

When he was a teenager, my husband called his Dad at work - his Dad worked for the FBI, and all of his Dad's fellow agents were listening in on the call - and told him that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. He said his Dad was pretty calm about the whole thing, but extremely relieved to find out it was just a prank.

What April Fools shenanigans were you up to today? Any stories of glory from April Fools past?

If you don't read this post, you're going in time out

2009-04-01T01:11:00.000-07:00

There are so many books on raising kids, and the best way to "motivate" your child to listen, behave and basically do what you ask them to do.

I've tried many different things from positive discipline, rewards and sticker charts to time outs and just plain losing my temper and yelling. Especially when I have to tell my daughter to do something for the umpteenth time. That was my Mom's favorite phrase by the way, "for the umpteenth time". Good Lord, I'm turning into my Mother. I have admit that I seem to fall back on threats and bribery most of the time. I'm getting tired of hearing myself say things like, "if you don't be quiet and go to sleep, I am going to take one of your doggies" or "if you put your shoes on right now, I'll give you a special treat". I don't think these are the best parenting methods, and I can see that the effectiveness of these methods is only going to last so long.

I need some new ideas.

I've found that I get the best advice from friends who are parents, and have real life examples of what has worked for them. For example, a good friend once told me that it takes one day to make a habit and three days to break a habit. I've found this to be true, and remembering this has gotten me through the few days it usually takes to get my kids out of bad habits. Another good friend once said, if your kids are doing something that drives you crazy, don't worry - it won't last; and if they are doing something you really like, enjoy it - because it won't last! That has always helped remind me to enjoy the good stuff while it lasts, and not sweat the tough stuff, because it will pass.

So, I'm asking you, my friends, for your advice on this topic. What are your best motivation methods and parenting techniques?

p.s. I'm also guest posting today over on Andrea's blog - email me if you need the link at heartatpreschool (at) gmail (dot) com

Monday Mumbers

2009-03-30T22:39:00.000-07:00

I saw this over at Good Enough Mama. It's called "Monday Mumbers" - it's a post of numbers. I was going to write a weekend recap post, but when I saw this, I thought it would be fun to recap in the form of numbers.

2 the number of hours spent driving into work, and then back home again before I even walked into the building, because I had to pick up a sick Seesa from school

3 the number of meetings I called in to from home, while simultaneously distracting sick daughter so I could listen to the call

4 number of text message exchanged with husband as we attempt to decide whether or not to cancel weekend trip to visit the Grandparents

3 number of different medications we gave Seesa to help her feel better for the trip

5 number of hours spent driving to visit Grammie and Grampie's house

72 number of gorgeous degrees it was outside at the Grandfolk's house this weekend

5 number of pounds I probably gained eating Grammie's yummy cooking

0 number of times I worried about anything on our relaxing weekend trip

7 number of hours total (no kidding) that my girls spent swimming in Grammie and Grampie's "pool" (hot tub)

6.5 number of brutal hours spent driving back home in Sunday afternoon traffic with

2 number of exhausted girls from a weekend of fun with the Grandfolks

Totally worth it

I want these!

2009-03-27T16:08:00.000-07:00

Scary Mommy is giving away these earrings:

Check her out - she's a really enjoyable read! And while you are there, enter to win them for yourself. And if you do win, you can give them to me. Out of the generosity of your heart. Or, just let me borrow them. Because you are so thankful that I told you about them. And then I'll link to you in my next "Thankful Thursday". Speaking of, where is this week's Thankful Thursday post, you ask? I'm waiting to win these, so I can write about how thankful I am for them.

The apples don't fall far from the tree

2009-03-24T21:45:00.000-07:00

Seesa all dressed up in her 4-H uniform, showing off her bunny at Farm Day.

Milly relaxing on (very tolerant) Baker, the chocolate lab we got to dog-sit this weekend.

Yes, that me. At eighteen years old, dressed in my 4-H uniform, showing my lamb. No, I'm not embarrassed. I've mentioned before that I ~~was~~ am a total geek...

I love that my girls love animals as much as I do.

It pays to be organized

2009-03-22T21:46:00.000-07:00

For me, it would have paid five hours of time spent searching through eight bags of papers, pictures, magazines and miscellaneous crap, for two check registers that we needed for our taxes. Bags that had been sitting in a closet, waiting for the day that I'd have time to go through these things, toss and file. Today was not the day that I had time to do this.

Going though these bags of crap yielded me:

5 bags of garbage
4 Nordstrom gift cards
1 Gymboree gift card
1 Peet's Coffee card
$40 in cash
5 books of stamps
Certificate for free portrait sitting, expiring in May
Certificate for one hour golf lesson, expires in April
Certificate for swim lessons, already expired
2 books of Ferry Tickets
3 other important documents for our taxes
One of the two missing check registers
One and a half more hours of time piecing together who we wrote checks contained in missing check register to, based on dates and amounts alone

So when they say it pays to be organized, they are not kidding.

Happy Birthday Lisa

2009-03-21T22:51:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my beautiful friend Lisa!

Lisa and I have known each other since college, were married the same year, both had baby girls within months of each other, and have been friends through thick and thin through all of these years.

I love you so much, and cherish our friendship. I hope you had a wonderful birthday weekend.

...and for the excuse as to why you did not get a real live card for your birthday...see next post about my lack of organization.

Thankful Thursday - Pay It Forward

2009-03-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm surrounded by bad news these days, especially at work. I work in the financial industry, so it's hard to escape hearing about the economy. It's pretty much thrown in my face on a daily basis. Uncertainty has become a way of life around the office.

In the midst of all of this, I can't help but think about ALL that I have to be thankful for. My wonderful family and friends. Living in one of the most beautiful areas in the world. Our warm and cozy home. Our health. It's really difficult to complain about anything when I think about these things - although sometimes I do complain anyway, because it's fun.

So today, in honor of everything I am thankful for, I am going to Pay It Forward. Butwhymommy was recently spreading some love in the blogosphere, and I was one of the lucky winners - so now I am going to pay it forward to three of you!

Be one of the first three commenters on this post, and you will receive a package from me with some fun things from San Francisco. In return, you Pay It Forward to three of your commenters, and so on and so on. Be sure I can contact you via email, so I can get the details of where to mail your goodies.

For the love of reading

2009-03-16T23:02:00.000-07:00

I love reading books to both of my girls. Some of their favorites are Dr. Seuss, which is great because those are some of my favorites to read to them. Seesa has recently been really interested in writing "books" of her own. She draws different pictures, puts them together and creates a story. At first, she'd recite the story for me to write next to the pictures she'd drawn. Lately, she wants to write the sentences herself. She asks how to spell each word, then writes it out in her book.

Her latest book is about houses. Each page has a different colored house on it, and describes that particular house, "some houses are red", "some houses are yellow", "some houses are black", etc. What really melted my heart, was when she brought me her favorite book, Seuss' The Cat in the Hat, and told me that it was the book that gave her the idea for her book about houses.

Wow.
Milly loves a good book too. Her current favorite is called A Pony for a Princess. Here's how the reading of this book to Milly plays out, every.time.we.read.it...

Belle picked out a book from the castle library. Then she looked out the window. The sun was shining. "I think I will read outside today," she said.
Why she going outside Mommy?
Because the sun is shining honey.
Belle left the castle. She walked past the barn. There was a big pile of hay by the barn.
Why hay by the barn Mommy?
Well, let's just see.
She walked past the apple tree. There was a big basket of apples under the tree. Belle sat down to read.
Why she sitting Mommy?
Because she doesn't want to read standing up.
Belle read and read. Before long, she felt hungry.
Why Belle hungry Mommy?
I guess it was lunchtime honey.
Belle put down her book. She walked back to the castle to get some lunch.
Why go to the castle Mommy?
Because that's where the food is.
Belle put a sandwich, some lemonade, and some sugar cubes into a picnic basket. "And I will pick an apple for dessert," she said.
Why apple Mommy?
Apples are good for you honey.
Belle went back outside. She walked past the barn. The hay was gone! "That is odd," Belle said.
Why odd Mommy?
That means weird.
She walked past the apple tree. The basket was empty! "Who could have eaten all the apples?" Belle asked.
Who eat the apples Mommy?
I bet we are about to find out!
Belle looked this way. Belle looked that way. Then she saw something behind a bush. It was a wild pony!
Why wild pony Mommy?
Because the pony was wild.
Belle stepped closer. But the pony was scared. It ran this way....and it ran that way. But the pony would not come to Belle.
Why the pony scared Mommy?
Just stick with me here babe, the plot's just starting to thicken!
Belle had an idea. She took the sugar cubes from the picnic basket. She placed them in a row on the grass. Then she stepped back.
Why she stepped back Mommy?
To see what would happen honey!
The pony ate one sugar cube. Then it ate another. And another. Soon the pony was right next to Belle!
Why the pony next to Belle Mommy?
Sugar works wonders that way.
Belle held out the last sugar cube. The pony ate it right from her hand! She reached out to pat the pony's soft nose.
Why she pat pony nose Mommy?
Who doesn't want to pat a pony honey?
Belle was happy. She led the pretty pony to the barn.
Why she put pony in the barn Mommy?
So she can pat him anytime she wants.
And before long, the princess and the pony became great friends.
Why friends Mommy?
Wouldn't you be the pony's friend too, if you were the princess?

And she is my princess, despite the Spanish Inquisition!

Is this still considered teaching them manners?

2009-03-12T21:53:00.000-07:00

The other night at dinner, I was taking an opportunity to teach the girls manners in the form of using their napkins, rather than their sleeves to wipe their mouths.

Me: See. Look at Mommy. I'm using my napkin to wipe my mouth like this.

Both girls wipe their mouths with napkins.

Me: You did it - good job!

Seesa shows me her napkin and says: Mommy, look at all the crap on here!

You can't complain about free help, but I'm going to anyway

2009-03-11T22:35:00.000-07:00

Alternate title, "why I haven't posted my weekly thankful thursday yet".

My husband is out of town for a 2 week business trip - and the whining shall commence now...

My Mom came over last night to help me out, so that I could attend a parenting class on "guilt free parenting" - post on that upcoming. She spent the night to help me with the kids in the morning, so I could get to work. At least that was the idea.

We all got up this morning and my Mom went to the bathroom. The girls and I went out to the kitchen for breakfast. I made everyone breakfast. She was still in the bathroom. I started getting lunches ready. She finally came out, ate and then started unloading my dishwasher. I know she was trying to be helpful, but that's not what I needed help with at that moment. I asked her if she could help get the kids going instead, but she said "oh, there's just a few dishes left", and she finished. Only thing, is that she put about half of the dishes on the counter because she didn't know where they went. I needed counter space to finish the girls' lunches, so as I frantically put away the dishes sitting on the counter, I dropped two glass bowls and they shattered all over the kitchen floor. At that point, I yelled at everyone to get out of the kitchen, and asked my Mom to help get the kids dressed. I cut my finger open cleaning up the glass, so after all the blood and glass was cleaned up, I went back to see how the dressing was progressing. Seesa was wearing three shirts and Milly was still in her pajama top - ok, good enough. I took them in the bathroom to pull their hair out of their faces and help them brush their teeth. Then I asked my Mom if she could get them off to preschool for me. She said, "ok, just let me brush my hair". So, I got their shoes and jackets on, collected the lunches, negotiated stuffed toys they wanted to take to preschool... until my Mom finally came out to take them off. My hands that is.

My attempt to save an hour in the morning by having my Mom help out... resulted in adding an hour to my morning. Thank God I could conference into my first meeting from the road. I guess being retired, you sort of forget the rush of getting everyone going in the mornings. My first clue should have been when she kept asking me if I ever watch "The View". Ah, no Mom. I'm usually in meetings at work at ten in the morning.

a meme

2009-03-09T20:58:00.000-07:00

Julia at Sometimes Lucid tagged me for a photo meme that sounded familiar...when I realized that I'd done it before. However, as I was searching through my draft posts before this discovery, I ran across a meme that I never published. Back in October, Marinka - yes, that Marinka - tagged me for a meme, to write six odd things about myself. So, five months later...here it is!

Me: Hey, I've been tagged by Motherhood in NYC! How cool!

Husband: Huh?

Me: It's a blog thing. I have to write six odd things about me. It's called a meme.

Husband: Sounds like a scam.

Me: How is that a scam?

Husband: Because they are trying to get personal information out of you.

Me: Yah, maybe Marinka is actually the Pink Panther of the blogsphere, and she's covertly gathering random clues that will help her uncover the secret hiding place of the 20 carat diamond we have hidden in the house.

Husband: Ok, ok. Then, where I come from, that's called smear the queer.

Me: I'm totally going to blog about this conversation.

1. I've been a huge fan of the reality show, Survivor, since the first season. I've even tried to get on the show more than once (before I had kids, now I feel like I live the show every day). I think Mark Burnett is a genius, coming up with a new twist for every season. And don't even get me started on Jeff Probst...yum. Greatest show ever.

2. I don't mind small talk with people I've just met, but I can't stand small talk with good friends. I like to get right into the good stuff. Sometimes I don't even start a conversation with a good friend, with "hello", I start with "so...".

3. When getting ready to go to bed, I like to lay everything out in the bathroom. Toothbrush with paste on it - check. Contact lens case with solution in it - check. Facial soap and moisturizer - check. After everything is all lined up and ready to go, then I execute the actual bedtime routine. Weird. I know.

4. I'm horribly nearsighted. I can't see a thing without my contacts or glasses. I've thought about getting lasix surgery. I've had plenty of friends who've done it, and love it. But, I'd really miss the "break" of being somewhat blind. I really enjoy taking off my contacts at night and being able to sort of turn off, without even closing my eyes.

5. I adore music. This, in itself is not odd, I realize. The part that verges on odd, is probably this... I often think that my life should have a soundtrack. I could probably find just the right song to go along with almost every post I write in my blog. I could (and have) sing karaoke all night long - with or without an audience. I love making up songs in everyday interactions with my kids, and they often sing back their responses to me.

It goes something like this...sort of to the tune of I'm a little tea pot.

Me: "We've gotta get out the door, we've gotta get to the store."

Kids: "No Mommy, No. We don't want to go."

6. I sometimes have a difficult time fighting for something for myself, but give me a good cause, or an injustice caused to someone else - and I will passionately pursue the greater good, usually at all costs. One astrology book describes my strengths as protective, generous and fearless; and my weaknesses as unrealistic, unyielding and self-sacrificing. I think that's pretty accurate.

If you want to do this fun meme, consider youself tagged. You have up to 6 months to post it.

Thankful Thursday, on a Friday

2009-03-06T22:15:00.000-08:00

I have a LOT to be thankful for this week - three different awards, from three different bloggy friends!

I'm sharing the love of these awards Academy Award style...by choosing just one "winner" in each category. Ok, I'll admit it...when I started choosing from so many wonderful bloggers, I found myself choosing everyone - which is probably the reason that this Thankful Thursday is posting on Friday. I'm not very good at this.

Thank you Christy at A Lil' Welsh Rarebit, for the "Premios Dardo" award.

"Given for recognition of cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values transmitted in the form of creative and original writing... created with the intention of promoting fraternization between bloggers, a way of showing affection and gratitude for work that adds value to the Web."

Wow. Can I put that on my self evaluation at work, under "unplanned accomplishments"?

As part of this award, I had to search my name in Google images. This is what came up. This is my formal work picture. Don't I look all professional?

Next, I had to do a Google search on "Unfortunately, Kari". Here's what came up, with my comments in italics.

Unfortunately Kari will not be able to attend this weekend's "Rock And Shock Convention". because she is going to a "stop, drop and roll" seminar.

Unfortunately, Kari was worse the next day. which is why she doesn't like to drink the night before a day with toddlers.

Unfortunately, Kari is kind of an incarnation of my randomness. Exactly.

Unfortunately Kari did not know which, if either, of the peaks was Scartaris, and the sun was obscured by clouds anyway. so I've got that going for me, which is nice. (10 points if you can name the movie that line came from)

I would like to pass this honor onto Kirsten at The Norwindians, because she's my inspiration and her blog embodies the description of this award.

Thank you Lucy at Lucy's Life in Suberb World, for this next award.

“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers."

Ok, now I am totally blushing. And this award goes to one of my special bloggy friends, Andrea at Sweet Life.

Thank you Hope Floats at Misadventures of that Girl, for the Honest Scrap award.

For this award, I need to list ten honest things about myself.

I don't like following rules.
I rarely read directions before attempting to assemble things.
I could eat an entire box of Thin Mints in one sitting.
I was a total geek in Jr High.
I am still a total geek.
I "un-friended" a relative on Facebook.
I take naps with my kids on weekends.
I've convinced my 5 year old that she still needs a nap, because I need a nap.
I read my own condensed version of long stories to my kids at bedtime.
I'm only listing 9 honest things (see first honest point).

...and this fun award goes to Issa at Issa's Crazy World for her honesty, mixed with humor.

The price of trip to the snow

2009-03-04T23:00:00.000-08:00

Packing up snow clothes, food, toys, sleds, sleeping bags and pillows... well past midnight: Exhausting

Enjoying a long weekend with friends, watching the excitement in the kid's eyes to be playing in the snow and finding an indoor activity zone on the day it rained: Worth it

Hearing my husband say, seeing his daughter on skis for the first time was the best 40th birthday present: Priceless

Confirmation that I am old

2009-03-02T15:56:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine works in financial aid at a community college. She forwarded me an email about a new AARP scholarship program called "AARP Women's Scholarship Program Elder Economic Security Initiative", a program designed for women over 40.

Women over 40 are considered elders? I think I'm going to throw up.

On a side note, my friend got the email from her boss, who sent it to her because he thought that she fell under category # 2 below...

The scholarship is open to low-income women 40+. Priority is given to women who are in one of three categories:
1) women raising the children of another family member,
2) those in dead end jobs and
3) those who have been out of the paid workforce for an extended period

Despite this, I'm going to go right on believing that 40 is the new 30!

Broken

2009-02-27T00:36:00.000-08:00

I've been drafting this post for weeks. It's been hard to find the words. I can't even decide why I need to post it at all, except "if I get it all out on paper, it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to". (name that song for 10 points)

Dear Anger,
Before I even realized that you'd moved in, you had already unpacked and made yourself right at home. Sometimes I don't even notice that you are here, until words come out of my mouth that I don't expect. I actually prefer you to some of the others. Sadness just bums me out and Fear is scary. At least with you, I know that I still have the flame inside that keeps me fighting. Thing is, if I let you stay too long, my heart will get harder as I try to fill it with short lived comforts, like food. And that in itself, is irony, since the more I consume - the further I am from the truth. So, listen Anger. I don't know what this says about his love for me. One day, I will know. Either way, the answer is heartbreaking. I know you just want to help Anger, and I don't want you to go away altogether. You just can't live here anymore. Please move on.

Broken, by Lifehouse

The broken clock is a comfort,
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

Thankful Thursday

2009-02-26T06:03:00.000-08:00

Unexpected Friendship

I was bloghopping* recently and happened across a blog of someone who, as I read through her posts, I realized has gone through very similar experiences as I have. We've been writing each other, and I'm so thankful we've found each other through this connection. I love that about the blogsphere.

* "bloghopping" - I just made that up...is that an actual term? Ok, so spell check wants me to use two words, blog hopping. Alternatively, it wants me to be blooping or blacktopping. I don't even want to hazard a definition of those.

Friends or Lovers? I'm taking a poll.

2009-02-24T22:16:00.001-08:00

Conversation with my husband, D, while watching "The Bachelor".

Me: Didn't your Grandmother give you some advice on marriage years ago? Something about marrying your best friend?

D: Yup

Me: What was it? You should marry your best friend, or you shouldn't marry your best friend?

D: Yup, it was one of those. Either you should or you shouldn't marry your best friend.

So, what do you think?
Should you, or shouldn't you marry your best friend?

when it is dark enough, you can see the stars

2009-02-20T11:23:00.001-08:00

My friend KP invited me to hear Greg Mortenson, the author of "Three Cups of Tea", speak in our town last night. If you haven't read the book, it's about the journey that led Mortenson from a failed 1993 attempt to climb Pakistan’s K2, the world’s second highest mountain, to successfully establish schools in some of the most remote regions of Afghanistan and Pakistan. Very inspirational.

Two things from the lecture really stuck with me. He asked the audience to raise our hand if we had conversations with our Grandparents about their life experiences. Few people raised their hands. He said that when he asks that question of school aged children in America, around 20% of them raise their hands, while in Afghanistan and Pakistan, at least 90% of school aged children raise their hands. It's actually a part of their curriculum. It made me think about the very rare conversations I had with my Grandparents, when they were still alive. As an adult, I would treasure knowing more about their lives.

This inspired me to come up with some questions (let me know if you have any suggestions!), and interview my Mom and my husband's parents. Then, I'm going to document our conversations on my blog, and save them for my children.

The other thing that stuck with me, was a Persian proverb that seemed so appropriate right now:

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.

It is so true. And the darker the sky becomes, the more stars appear. I'm finding those stars every day, and making a wish on every single one.

Thankful Thursday

2009-02-19T06:00:00.000-08:00

I've been a bit preoccupied lately, as we have been working out our new budget. During a time when we're making a lot of decisions about what we have to give up, it's nice to take a moment to think about just some of the things I'm thankful for...

Hanging out on a cozy couch, in front of a warm fire, on a stormy day.
The smell of banana bread baking in the oven.
Listening to my kids laugh as they play with each other.
A hot mug of my new favorite tea, vanilla hazelnut.
Enjoying a great funny movie after the kids have gone to bed.
Realizing that my husband and I may fight over stupid things like Starbucks and deli sandwiches, but when it comes to bigger challenges, we always find a way to come together and stay focused on the thing that is most important to both of us, our family.

Love and Kisses

2009-02-14T06:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

XOXO

Thankful Thursday

2009-02-12T00:01:00.000-08:00

I think, maybe for the first time, I understand the phrase "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".

Thankfully... I'm strengthened by the wonderful comments from my bloggy friends. Emails, phone calls and good vibes from my best friends and my family - help me keep things in perspective. Music. Humor. Blogs.

These two.

Half of our glass may have just been dumped out, but it's still half full!

"All Right", by Amy Grant

Looking out, To the hills, to the setting sun
I feel a cold wind bound to come
Another change, another end I cannot see,
But your faithfulness to me, Is making it all right
I fall down on my knees, Tell me that it's all right
You give me what I need
Years of knockin' on heaven's door, have taught me this, if nothing more
That it's all right
What may come
I've heard it said, when the river's running high
You get to higher ground or you die
Well, muddy waves of pain washed over me
And it only made me see, It's gonna be all right
I fall down on my knees, Tell me that it's all right
You give me what I need
Years of knockin' on heaven's door, have taught me this, if nothing more
That it's all right
What may come
When will I learn there are no guarantees?
What strengthens hope, my eyes have never seen
But it won't be long, Till the faith will be sight, And the heavens will say
It's all right

Why I should probably drink more, reason # 2

2009-02-10T21:23:00.001-08:00

Conversation with my husband re: budgeting.

Husband: You know, you are not going to be able to make those trips to Starbucks anymore.

Me: And you won't be able to go to the deli for a sandwich every day.

Husband: Oh, that ends up saving us money.

Me: Wha?

Husband: Yeah, when you add it up, it costs less for me to get a sandwich than to make one at home.

Me: Let's see... $4.49 for a loaf of bread, multiplied by 18 slices is .26 cents a slice; a carton of sliced turkey is $4.79, let's say you use a quarter of the carton for a sandwich, that's a buck twenty. Throw in some condiments, let's call it $2.00 total. How is this less expensive than buying one at the deli for $5.00?

Husband: Using processed meat? That is costing me my health? No thank you. I'd rather not die.

I'm not making this shit up folks. This is verbatim. How do you argue with that kind of logic?
You drink more.

Worried

2009-02-09T22:37:00.000-08:00

I used to worry a lot when I was a kid. I vividly remember sitting in the dentist's office, and being so worried. Would they find a cavity? Would I have to have a Novocaine shot? I would sit there with my palms sweating, shaking with fear. I used to worry about my sister. Not that I had any reason to, but I remember having nightmares about awful things happening to my sister, and not being able to help her. I'd worry about my Mom. About whether she was happy.

Then I grew up, went off to college and discovered a kind of freedom from worry. Being on my own for the first time, I realized that I could make it. That life was good, and things worked out. Looking back on it now, I don't think it fully appreciated what it took for my Mom to be able to actually buy a house and send us to college those years after my Dad died. But somehow, I did learn to see the positive side of any situation. There is always so much to be thankful for.

As an adult, and a Mom myself, my worries don't usually weigh as heavily on me as they did when I was younger. And the things I could be worried about are, for the most part, way heavier (and likely to actually happen) than the things I worried about as a kid. Still, I'm usually always able to see the silver lining, keep focused on the positive and relentlessly never give up hope.

Very early in my relationship with my husband, he learned that all I ever wanted to hear when I was down, was "everything is going to be ok". As a reminder of what I always knew from the depths of my heart. No matter what, everything is going to be ok.

The past few days, I've been walking around in a fog. There is so much going on, it's been hard to process. My husband has been working on a huge "make or break" project at work, and he's not optimistic that it will turn out well. I'm waiting for news about my compensation at work, and rumors are getting worse by the moment. We've been expecting that it's going to be a tough year, and have been making lists of things we can sell to make it work, but the latest rumor is worse than my current worse case scenario.

Things are just things. I am acutely aware that the most important things in life have nothing to do with money. Health. Family. Friends. Love.

The thing that worries me is how much of what we had planned for our life, may have to change. My plan to reduce my hours at work, so that I can be there more for my kids, especially when they start school. So that I can have time to do homework with my kids, and not just struggle to get a meal on the table and keep the household running. I've worked so hard to get to a point where I can afford to cut my salary. It's so depressing thinking that I might be back to ground zero, or maybe even worse. Our little camper that we may have to sell, is just a thing, but it represents family time together doing something so special that we all love so much. I worry about whether it may get so bad that we have to move. Away from my family that I love so much. I purposely structured my life to live close to them. To raise my children near their cousins.

It's been really hard to keep up the mantra... but I'm trying. Everything is going to be ok. Everything is going to be ok. Everything is going to be ok. It's going to be alright. Whatever comes.

Thankful Thursday

2009-02-05T06:00:00.000-08:00

In this installment of Thankful Thursday... I'm giving thanks to Jillian Michaels, for making the workout DVD, 30 Day Shred. I've never really been into working out to a video. The few I've tried have been too rah rah, and mostly just plain boring. I decided to try this one after hearing about how great it is from more than one friend. Wow. They were right. She is kicking my butt.

This video could not be more perfect for me. It's a 20 minute workout. Yes, I can fit 20 minutes into my evening! It's a combination of cardio, strength and abs. She keeps mixing things up, so just when I'm about to give up, we're on to the next thing. Nice! I'd call her motivational approach, tough love. She says things like "I've got 400 pound people doing these jumping jacks. If you want these abs, you're going to have to work for it!". Yup, I've got no excuse to wimp out.

The first couple days, I.was.in.pain. A lot of pain. Jeesh, it was like my muscles were atrophied or something. Ok, I haven't really "worked out" since I started having kids...but I figured I was getting at least a decent workout just chasing after them. At least I knew it was working. After a few more days of sticking with it, I can still feel it, but now I can walk without limping.

After turning 40 last April, I've really wanted to workout more regularly to stay healthy, and have more energy. Thanks to Jillian, I feel like I'm on my way!

Why I should probably drink more, reason # 1

2009-02-02T21:30:00.000-08:00

Two of my favorite bloggers, Marinka and Shallow Gal, recently created a new blog called Secret Spineless Whine. I posted a little whine of my own, and it gave me inspiration for a periodic post on my own blog... "why I should probably drink more".

As I've mentioned on this blog from time to time, I don't really drink all that much. There are a couple reasons for this. First, I don't really need it to lower my inhibitions. For the most part, I don't have a lot of inhibitions. I'm not saying that I'm running the streets naked, but I wouldn't hesitate to karaoke in front of a large crowd of people without so much as a beer. Secondly, I am pretty much scared crapless of taking care of toddlers with a hang-over. Me being the one who is hung over, not the toddlers. Although I don't even want to think about what a toddler would be like with a hang-over.

So, here's my whine.

My husband is unable to take out the recycling, because it's "crunch time" for him right now at work.

It occurred to me sometime later, that this may be a good reason for me to start drinking more. And there are others. And it's going to be fun telling you about them periodically.

Side note: After I wrote this post, my husband went and took out the recycling. It may or may not have had something to do with my looking at him like he was speaking a different language when he said that. Either way, I need to give him credit. You know, just in case he reads this.

Best concert EVER

2009-01-30T22:43:00.000-08:00

I went out to dinner and a concert with my sister for her birthday. I didn't even know who we were going to see, I was just along for the ride, to help celebrate my sis's big day. The concert was really good, and I enjoyed it - despite feeling really old as I stood in the mosh pit with my sister and her two girlfriends, in my work clothes, holding my wool jacket and purse. Yes indeed, I felt old. While it was a great mellow concert at a cool San Francisco venue, it was not the best concert EVER.

But it did make me think of other concert experiences I've had...

Like my first concert ever. Summer of 1983. Rick Springfield. I went with my best girlfriend, Tina. And her Dad. I think we were like 15. He just sat there looking pretty bored, while Tina and I danced, sang and screamed the night away to the ohsobeautiful Rick. To this day, whenever I hear Jessie's Girl, I think about that glorious night.

Then there was the best concert I have EVER been to. Fall of 2001. Matchbox 20, and Train. I loved every single song they played that night. I knew every word, and sang my heart out to all of them. I felt like I could have gone up on stage and taken over - you know, if they had gotten tired or something. The weather was still warm, an Indian summer, and it was an outdoor venue in the middle of nowhere. And it rained. I'm not talking a little sprinkle, it absolutely poured. But no one cared. A lot of people were making raincoats out of trash bags, but not us. We just let the rain come down and soak our clothes all the way through. It was almost a religious experience - like I was being baptised by the music. In the middle of the show, there was this gorgeous lightning storm - that almost forced them to stop the concert. But they didn't. They told the audience that if we were sticking around, so would they. Then they played the song, "3am"...

And she only sleeps when its raining
And she screams
And her voice is straining

And she says, baby, it's 3am, I must be lonely
When she says, baby
Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes
And the rain's gonna wash away I believe it

It.was.perfect.

What was your first concert? How about the best concert you've ever been to?